WEBVTT
00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:09.679
Welcome back to Toddlers Made Easy.
00:00:09.839 --> 00:00:16.879
Today we're kicking off a two-part series on potty training, but we're not going to talk about pull-ups versus underwear.
00:00:17.039 --> 00:00:21.280
We're not talking about rewards, timers, or the perfect age to begin.
00:00:21.519 --> 00:00:25.039
We're going to start with the part most people completely skip.
00:00:25.120 --> 00:00:27.519
And what we're going to talk about is you.
00:00:27.920 --> 00:00:34.000
Because here's what I've learned after helping hundreds and thousands actually of families over the last 40 years.
00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:37.920
Potty training isn't just about whether your toddler is ready.
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:40.640
Your readiness matters too.
00:00:40.960 --> 00:00:46.399
When you feel prepared, you respond to potty challenges instead of react to them.
00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:53.600
And when you know your triggers ahead of time, you can plan for them and this will keep progress moving forward.
00:00:53.840 --> 00:01:05.599
So in this episode, we're focusing entirely on you, your readiness, your triggers, and the simple practical steps that set you and your child up for success.
00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:07.519
So let's dive right in.
00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:11.840
I want you to pause for a second and ask yourself a few questions.
00:01:12.239 --> 00:01:17.040
Am I in a place right now where I can keep my cool when things get messy?
00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:21.359
Is this a particularly busy or stressful season for me?
00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:24.239
Am I getting any time to myself lately?
00:01:24.480 --> 00:01:25.840
How am I sleeping?
00:01:26.159 --> 00:01:32.000
Can I handle the inevitable comments from family or friends without feeling attacked?
00:01:32.319 --> 00:01:41.760
Do I tend to compare myself to other parents, driving myself maybe a little bit crazy because my friend's child potty trained in one day?
00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:56.319
If you're running on fumes, if you're juggling three kids in a demanding project at work, if every relative has an opinion about what you should be doing and you can't stop scrolling Instagram looking at all those perfect families?
00:01:56.640 --> 00:01:58.079
Well, think of this.
00:01:58.400 --> 00:02:00.159
Potty training can be tough.
00:02:00.400 --> 00:02:13.120
You need composure when there's pee on the floor, flexibility when your plan completely falls apart, curiosity instead of frustration when your child refuses the potty for the third time today.
00:02:13.360 --> 00:02:17.280
And if your tank is on empty, that's really hard to do.
00:02:17.520 --> 00:02:20.639
It's really hard to potty train with composure.
00:02:20.879 --> 00:02:28.719
But if you fill the tank and think about your triggers before you start, you're tipping the balance in favor of success.
00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:31.280
So let me paint you a picture.
00:02:31.520 --> 00:02:32.560
It's day one.
00:02:32.719 --> 00:02:36.080
You're feeling hopeful, maybe a little nervous, but hopeful.
00:02:36.319 --> 00:02:43.439
Your toddler's in a brand new underwear, perhaps the ones with dinosaurs or princess they picked out themselves.
00:02:43.599 --> 00:02:47.120
You're keeping things light, fun even, and then it happens.
00:02:47.360 --> 00:02:56.879
Your child pees right there on the living room floor, or your child holds everything in for hours because he or she just isn't sure about the whole thing.
00:02:57.120 --> 00:02:59.199
Well, what goes through your head in that moment?
00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:00.400
Are you frustrated?
00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:01.599
Ready to blow?
00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:04.159
I just asked you to sit on the potty.
00:03:04.400 --> 00:03:06.479
Do you see what happens when you don't listen?
00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:12.560
Are you anxious, immediately second guessing everything, wondering if you should go back to diapers?
00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:17.680
Now instead, imagine planning for these moments ahead of time.
00:03:17.840 --> 00:03:20.879
You've thought about what to say to keep things positive.
00:03:21.039 --> 00:03:23.439
You've planned how to keep your cool.
00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:28.240
You understand that the messes early on are part of the lessons.
00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:31.520
And when one happens, you can stay calm.
00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:34.159
That's what we're gonna build today.
00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:37.039
So let's get to the really practical stuff.
00:03:37.199 --> 00:03:44.000
I'm gonna give you some tools you can use in the moment to help you stay calm and carry on with composure.
00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:46.639
The first one is mantras.
00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:47.919
I love mantras.
00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:51.199
So I'm gonna give you a few to help you in the heat of the moment.
00:03:51.360 --> 00:04:00.000
I'd suggest you pick one, write it down, put it on your phone, put it up on the wall around your house, and repeat it when things feel hard.
00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:03.840
So for instance, this phase won't last forever.
00:04:04.159 --> 00:04:06.080
Or I believe in my child.
00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:12.159
He's learning to recognize the I need to pee feeling, or she's learning to recognize that feeling.
00:04:12.479 --> 00:04:14.319
I can do hard things.
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:20.639
This is all new for both of us, and my child's doing the best he or she can, and so am I.
00:04:20.959 --> 00:04:22.560
This will get easier.
00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:29.600
These aren't just nice words, they're anchors that bring you back to feeling hopeful when you're starting to spiral.
00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:38.560
The next thing is trigger tamers, and that is, if messes are triggering for you, think ahead about what will make them easier.
00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:44.720
For instance, a cleanup basket that you can quickly grab and take with you wherever you are in the house.
00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:57.120
It would include baby wipes, hand wipes, a bottle of cleaner, a few disposable cloths, a clean t-shirt, and a bag for wet and dirty clothes, or anything else that would help you cleaning around the house.
00:04:57.360 --> 00:05:00.720
I'd suggest get cleaning products with pleasant smells.
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:10.800
We're gonna talk about how to care for your home in the next series, but just briefly here you would cover your furniture and rugs if you need to and keep them up handy.
00:05:11.040 --> 00:05:15.439
When cleanup is easy, you can stay calmer, and that matters.
00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:20.399
Your main goal right now is helping your child learn that I need to pee feeling.
00:05:20.639 --> 00:05:24.079
And here's the thing, accidents are part of that learning.
00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:26.959
They're not a setback, they're actually the lesson.
00:05:27.199 --> 00:05:35.279
So what matters most right now is how you respond in those moments, and a calm, simple reaction keeps training moving forward.
00:05:35.439 --> 00:05:42.160
A big reaction, even unintentionally, can make kids feel worried or unsure, and that slows things down.
00:05:42.480 --> 00:05:51.040
So try and remember, every accident is your child's brain connecting the dots, and this stage won't last forever.
00:05:51.360 --> 00:05:54.160
The next priority is to plan ahead.
00:05:54.399 --> 00:05:57.279
Keep life simple when you start potty training.
00:05:57.439 --> 00:06:00.959
Get rid of demands that distract you or make you feel rushed.
00:06:01.120 --> 00:06:09.680
Your child is learning to match the I need to pee feeling with getting to the potty, and if you're distracted, you can't help them make that connection.
00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:16.240
I'd suggest you do at least one day of full focus, if you can manage two to three days even better.
00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:17.759
You have a choice here.
00:06:17.920 --> 00:06:27.360
You can go full focus right from the start, fully committing to helping your child make that connection between feeling and getting to the potty, or you can do it slower.
00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:33.439
Fully focus on day one, and then go about life as usual, but keep working on it when you're home.
00:06:33.680 --> 00:06:36.560
Kids are smart and they can learn both ways.
00:06:36.800 --> 00:06:40.079
Each has its advantages and disadvantages.
00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:53.040
When I potty trained my kids, which is now decades and decades and decades ago, we kept them in a diaper until they made the connection about peeing and going in the potty, and then we moved ahead to underwear.
00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:56.800
So you can see things were very different then and they still worked.
00:06:56.879 --> 00:07:02.000
And I mentioned this because I want you to understand there's no one right way.
00:07:02.240 --> 00:07:04.560
There's just the right way for you.
00:07:05.199 --> 00:07:16.319
So personally, I've found that kids get the message stronger about he and the potty when you focus on helping them for at least one day, and ideally two.
00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:19.199
However, one day is enough as well.
00:07:19.519 --> 00:07:24.000
How we think about accidents guides how we respond to them.
00:07:24.319 --> 00:07:28.959
So let's take a moment to talk about how to reframe accidents.
00:07:29.279 --> 00:07:36.160
Accidents are going to happen, and really they should be called misses because these are lessons, they're not failures.
00:07:36.480 --> 00:07:42.000
Kids learn the I need to pee feeling by peeing and realizing they're wet and sticky.
00:07:42.160 --> 00:07:43.759
This is part of the process.
00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:48.560
And being prepared for it means you'll be able to respond in a supportive way.
00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:54.800
An accident teaches your child the early signs they need to know to get to the potty on time.
00:07:55.040 --> 00:08:01.360
So use accidents to teach your child and present them as another opportunity to try again.
00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:04.079
And the same thing goes for potty training.
00:08:04.319 --> 00:08:06.480
Here's an example of what you could say.
00:08:06.800 --> 00:08:08.879
Oops, you didn't make it to the potty.
00:08:08.959 --> 00:08:10.879
That must feel a little sticky.
00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:15.839
I bet next time you could make it to the potty, and the potty's just right over there.
00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:19.120
You see, keep it light, keep it matter of fact.
00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:22.240
Now I want to give you a little pro tip here.
00:08:22.560 --> 00:08:26.720
Think twice before posting about potty training on social media.
00:08:26.879 --> 00:08:30.959
You will get swamped with opinions and they may not all help you.
00:08:31.199 --> 00:08:35.200
The next thing is to surround yourself with supportive people.
00:08:35.519 --> 00:08:38.879
People who lift you up and remind you you're doing a great job.
00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:45.759
Parenting feels so much lighter when you have voices around you that offer support, not judgment.
00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:59.200
Potty training is teamwork, so you, your partner, the daycare, the nanny, the grandparents, or anyone who shares in childcare should know about your potty approach so there's consistency and a clear message.
00:08:59.440 --> 00:09:09.440
We tend to think of potty train being all about your child, but honestly, you and your child are a team, and you both influence how the journey unfolds.
00:09:09.679 --> 00:09:17.360
And having clear, reliable information helps you be the cool, calm, confident teammate your child needs.
00:09:17.679 --> 00:09:25.360
Before we move on, I just want you to consider for a moment that you wouldn't punish your child when she fell when learning to walk.
00:09:25.519 --> 00:09:28.720
You'd smile, you'd comfort her, and you'd offer hope.
00:09:28.879 --> 00:09:31.759
And the same thing goes for potty training.
00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:42.799
So the last priority right now to consider is that when your tank is full, you'll be better able to manage the emotional demands of potty training without losing it.
00:09:43.039 --> 00:09:48.399
So please take a period of time and fill your emotional tank as best you can.
00:09:48.559 --> 00:09:53.679
Get sleep, get some time to yourself before moving on to potty training.
00:09:54.000 --> 00:09:59.759
In part two of this series, we're going to talk about how to prepare your child and your home.
00:09:59.919 --> 00:10:06.799
If you're gearing up to start the potty training journey, grab our five must-do's before starting potty training guide.
00:10:06.960 --> 00:10:08.879
You'll find the link in the show notes.
00:10:09.120 --> 00:10:15.039
Parents tell me that their kids were actually eager, confident, and excited to begin after using it.
00:10:15.200 --> 00:10:18.960
So keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week!
00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:09.679
Welcome back to Toddlers Made Easy.
00:00:09.839 --> 00:00:16.879
Today we're kicking off a two-part series on potty training, but we're not going to talk about pull-ups versus underwear.
00:00:17.039 --> 00:00:21.280
We're not talking about rewards, timers, or the perfect age to begin.
00:00:21.519 --> 00:00:25.039
We're going to start with the part most people completely skip.
00:00:25.120 --> 00:00:27.519
And what we're going to talk about is you.
00:00:27.920 --> 00:00:34.000
Because here's what I've learned after helping hundreds and thousands actually of families over the last 40 years.
00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:37.920
Potty training isn't just about whether your toddler is ready.
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:40.640
Your readiness matters too.
00:00:40.960 --> 00:00:46.399
When you feel prepared, you respond to potty challenges instead of react to them.
00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:53.600
And when you know your triggers ahead of time, you can plan for them and this will keep progress moving forward.
00:00:53.840 --> 00:01:05.599
So in this episode, we're focusing entirely on you, your readiness, your triggers, and the simple practical steps that set you and your child up for success.
00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:07.519
So let's dive right in.
00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:11.840
I want you to pause for a second and ask yourself a few questions.
00:01:12.239 --> 00:01:17.040
Am I in a place right now where I can keep my cool when things get messy?
00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:21.359
Is this a particularly busy or stressful season for me?
00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:24.239
Am I getting any time to myself lately?
00:01:24.480 --> 00:01:25.840
How am I sleeping?
00:01:26.159 --> 00:01:32.000
Can I handle the inevitable comments from family or friends without feeling attacked?
00:01:32.319 --> 00:01:41.760
Do I tend to compare myself to other parents, driving myself maybe a little bit crazy because my friend's child potty trained in one day?
00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:56.319
If you're running on fumes, if you're juggling three kids in a demanding project at work, if every relative has an opinion about what you should be doing and you can't stop scrolling Instagram looking at all those perfect families?
00:01:56.640 --> 00:01:58.079
Well, think of this.
00:01:58.400 --> 00:02:00.159
Potty training can be tough.
00:02:00.400 --> 00:02:13.120
You need composure when there's pee on the floor, flexibility when your plan completely falls apart, curiosity instead of frustration when your child refuses the potty for the third time today.
00:02:13.360 --> 00:02:17.280
And if your tank is on empty, that's really hard to do.
00:02:17.520 --> 00:02:20.639
It's really hard to potty train with composure.
00:02:20.879 --> 00:02:28.719
But if you fill the tank and think about your triggers before you start, you're tipping the balance in favor of success.
00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:31.280
So let me paint you a picture.
00:02:31.520 --> 00:02:32.560
It's day one.
00:02:32.719 --> 00:02:36.080
You're feeling hopeful, maybe a little nervous, but hopeful.
00:02:36.319 --> 00:02:43.439
Your toddler's in a brand new underwear, perhaps the ones with dinosaurs or princess they picked out themselves.
00:02:43.599 --> 00:02:47.120
You're keeping things light, fun even, and then it happens.
00:02:47.360 --> 00:02:56.879
Your child pees right there on the living room floor, or your child holds everything in for hours because he or she just isn't sure about the whole thing.
00:02:57.120 --> 00:02:59.199
Well, what goes through your head in that moment?
00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:00.400
Are you frustrated?
00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:01.599
Ready to blow?
00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:04.159
I just asked you to sit on the potty.
00:03:04.400 --> 00:03:06.479
Do you see what happens when you don't listen?
00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:12.560
Are you anxious, immediately second guessing everything, wondering if you should go back to diapers?
00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:17.680
Now instead, imagine planning for these moments ahead of time.
00:03:17.840 --> 00:03:20.879
You've thought about what to say to keep things positive.
00:03:21.039 --> 00:03:23.439
You've planned how to keep your cool.
00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:28.240
You understand that the messes early on are part of the lessons.
00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:31.520
And when one happens, you can stay calm.
00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:34.159
That's what we're gonna build today.
00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:37.039
So let's get to the really practical stuff.
00:03:37.199 --> 00:03:44.000
I'm gonna give you some tools you can use in the moment to help you stay calm and carry on with composure.
00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:46.639
The first one is mantras.
00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:47.919
I love mantras.
00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:51.199
So I'm gonna give you a few to help you in the heat of the moment.
00:03:51.360 --> 00:04:00.000
I'd suggest you pick one, write it down, put it on your phone, put it up on the wall around your house, and repeat it when things feel hard.
00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:03.840
So for instance, this phase won't last forever.
00:04:04.159 --> 00:04:06.080
Or I believe in my child.
00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:12.159
He's learning to recognize the I need to pee feeling, or she's learning to recognize that feeling.
00:04:12.479 --> 00:04:14.319
I can do hard things.
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:20.639
This is all new for both of us, and my child's doing the best he or she can, and so am I.
00:04:20.959 --> 00:04:22.560
This will get easier.
00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:29.600
These aren't just nice words, they're anchors that bring you back to feeling hopeful when you're starting to spiral.
00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:38.560
The next thing is trigger tamers, and that is, if messes are triggering for you, think ahead about what will make them easier.
00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:44.720
For instance, a cleanup basket that you can quickly grab and take with you wherever you are in the house.
00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:57.120
It would include baby wipes, hand wipes, a bottle of cleaner, a few disposable cloths, a clean t-shirt, and a bag for wet and dirty clothes, or anything else that would help you cleaning around the house.
00:04:57.360 --> 00:05:00.720
I'd suggest get cleaning products with pleasant smells.
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:10.800
We're gonna talk about how to care for your home in the next series, but just briefly here you would cover your furniture and rugs if you need to and keep them up handy.
00:05:11.040 --> 00:05:15.439
When cleanup is easy, you can stay calmer, and that matters.
00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:20.399
Your main goal right now is helping your child learn that I need to pee feeling.
00:05:20.639 --> 00:05:24.079
And here's the thing, accidents are part of that learning.
00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:26.959
They're not a setback, they're actually the lesson.
00:05:27.199 --> 00:05:35.279
So what matters most right now is how you respond in those moments, and a calm, simple reaction keeps training moving forward.
00:05:35.439 --> 00:05:42.160
A big reaction, even unintentionally, can make kids feel worried or unsure, and that slows things down.
00:05:42.480 --> 00:05:51.040
So try and remember, every accident is your child's brain connecting the dots, and this stage won't last forever.
00:05:51.360 --> 00:05:54.160
The next priority is to plan ahead.
00:05:54.399 --> 00:05:57.279
Keep life simple when you start potty training.
00:05:57.439 --> 00:06:00.959
Get rid of demands that distract you or make you feel rushed.
00:06:01.120 --> 00:06:09.680
Your child is learning to match the I need to pee feeling with getting to the potty, and if you're distracted, you can't help them make that connection.
00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:16.240
I'd suggest you do at least one day of full focus, if you can manage two to three days even better.
00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:17.759
You have a choice here.
00:06:17.920 --> 00:06:27.360
You can go full focus right from the start, fully committing to helping your child make that connection between feeling and getting to the potty, or you can do it slower.
00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:33.439
Fully focus on day one, and then go about life as usual, but keep working on it when you're home.
00:06:33.680 --> 00:06:36.560
Kids are smart and they can learn both ways.
00:06:36.800 --> 00:06:40.079
Each has its advantages and disadvantages.
00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:53.040
When I potty trained my kids, which is now decades and decades and decades ago, we kept them in a diaper until they made the connection about peeing and going in the potty, and then we moved ahead to underwear.
00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:56.800
So you can see things were very different then and they still worked.
00:06:56.879 --> 00:07:02.000
And I mentioned this because I want you to understand there's no one right way.
00:07:02.240 --> 00:07:04.560
There's just the right way for you.
00:07:05.199 --> 00:07:16.319
So personally, I've found that kids get the message stronger about he and the potty when you focus on helping them for at least one day, and ideally two.
00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:19.199
However, one day is enough as well.
00:07:19.519 --> 00:07:24.000
How we think about accidents guides how we respond to them.
00:07:24.319 --> 00:07:28.959
So let's take a moment to talk about how to reframe accidents.
00:07:29.279 --> 00:07:36.160
Accidents are going to happen, and really they should be called misses because these are lessons, they're not failures.
00:07:36.480 --> 00:07:42.000
Kids learn the I need to pee feeling by peeing and realizing they're wet and sticky.
00:07:42.160 --> 00:07:43.759
This is part of the process.
00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:48.560
And being prepared for it means you'll be able to respond in a supportive way.
00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:54.800
An accident teaches your child the early signs they need to know to get to the potty on time.
00:07:55.040 --> 00:08:01.360
So use accidents to teach your child and present them as another opportunity to try again.
00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:04.079
And the same thing goes for potty training.
00:08:04.319 --> 00:08:06.480
Here's an example of what you could say.
00:08:06.800 --> 00:08:08.879
Oops, you didn't make it to the potty.
00:08:08.959 --> 00:08:10.879
That must feel a little sticky.
00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:15.839
I bet next time you could make it to the potty, and the potty's just right over there.
00:08:16.079 --> 00:08:19.120
You see, keep it light, keep it matter of fact.
00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:22.240
Now I want to give you a little pro tip here.
00:08:22.560 --> 00:08:26.720
Think twice before posting about potty training on social media.
00:08:26.879 --> 00:08:30.959
You will get swamped with opinions and they may not all help you.
00:08:31.199 --> 00:08:35.200
The next thing is to surround yourself with supportive people.
00:08:35.519 --> 00:08:38.879
People who lift you up and remind you you're doing a great job.
00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:45.759
Parenting feels so much lighter when you have voices around you that offer support, not judgment.
00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:59.200
Potty training is teamwork, so you, your partner, the daycare, the nanny, the grandparents, or anyone who shares in childcare should know about your potty approach so there's consistency and a clear message.
00:08:59.440 --> 00:09:09.440
We tend to think of potty train being all about your child, but honestly, you and your child are a team, and you both influence how the journey unfolds.
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And having clear, reliable information helps you be the cool, calm, confident teammate your child needs.
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Before we move on, I just want you to consider for a moment that you wouldn't punish your child when she fell when learning to walk.
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You'd smile, you'd comfort her, and you'd offer hope.
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And the same thing goes for potty training.
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So the last priority right now to consider is that when your tank is full, you'll be better able to manage the emotional demands of potty training without losing it.
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So please take a period of time and fill your emotional tank as best you can.
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Get sleep, get some time to yourself before moving on to potty training.
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In part two of this series, we're going to talk about how to prepare your child and your home.
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If you're gearing up to start the potty training journey, grab our five must-do's before starting potty training guide.
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You'll find the link in the show notes.
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Parents tell me that their kids were actually eager, confident, and excited to begin after using it.
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So keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week!
