WEBVTT
00:00:04.959 --> 00:00:08.960
There's something I do with my granddaughter when she's missing her mom.
00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:10.880
It takes about 10 seconds.
00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:13.279
She stops crying almost every time.
00:00:13.439 --> 00:00:18.239
And I'm gonna share this with you in today's episode, and you're gonna want to use it right away.
00:00:18.480 --> 00:00:19.199
I'm Dr.
00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:22.160
Catherine, and this is toddler's made easy.
00:00:22.399 --> 00:00:26.559
My granddaughter's in a big mummy stage right now, and I mean big.
00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:32.240
The kind where sleepovers at Nanas have some loud moments of I want my mummy.
00:00:32.479 --> 00:00:36.719
So we made something up, a little ritual, and it's become one of my favorite things.
00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:38.880
When she's missing her mom, we do this.
00:00:39.119 --> 00:00:45.600
We take a big, slow breath in together, and then we blow out a kiss right up into the air.
00:00:45.840 --> 00:00:52.320
And then I catch it and I say, Here's your mummy's kiss coming back, and I place it on her forehead.
00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:56.399
And that's it, that's the whole thing, and that calms her down.
00:00:56.560 --> 00:00:58.960
Because here's what's actually happening.
00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:13.840
She's taking a few deep calming breaths, which her nervous system desperately needs in that moment, and she's doing something physical, something she can feel, and she's getting the message that mom's love isn't somewhere else, it's right here with her.
00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:17.120
Now we practice this when she doesn't need it too.
00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:24.879
When things are happy and easy and nobody's crying, we just do it because and that's the actual key, and I'll come back to that in a minute.
00:01:25.359 --> 00:01:31.439
There's a picture book I come back to again and again, and it's called The Invisible String, and the idea is simple.
00:01:31.680 --> 00:01:42.879
There's a string, you can't see it, but it connects every person who loves each other, and it stretches across rooms, across towns, across oceans, and it never breaks.
00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:48.480
Little kids can't see it, they can't hold it, but when they feel it, everything changes.
00:01:49.040 --> 00:02:06.879
The moments when little kids feel disconnected by bedtime, daycare drop off, the middle of the night, when a parent travels for work or is at work for long hours, those moments can be made a little bit easier, a little bit less sad and scary when that feeling of connection is with them.
00:02:07.040 --> 00:02:09.439
And that's what makes this so powerful.
00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:13.759
There are real practical things you can do to make that happen.
00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:23.360
I'd say there's at least four times where this comes up regularly bedtime, daycare drop off, middle of the night, and long work hours.
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:26.800
So let's make all of those four times easier.
00:02:27.039 --> 00:02:32.159
We're gonna talk about how to prepare your child's room in a connected way.
00:02:32.400 --> 00:02:40.960
So think about what your child sees when they're lying in bed at night, when they're awake at two in the morning and it's dark and it's quiet and their heart is racing.
00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:47.360
Some family photos on the wall at their level or ones that they can see from where they're lying in bed.
00:02:47.599 --> 00:02:49.919
This sounds small, but it's huge.
00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:54.800
When they wake up scared, before you even get there they can look and see your face.
00:02:55.039 --> 00:02:59.360
Their nervous system starts to settle before a single word is spoken.
00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:01.199
That's part of the job.
00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:04.639
You can involve your little one in picking the photos they want.
00:03:04.960 --> 00:03:09.199
Print them out, let them help you put it up, make it a whole art project.
00:03:09.520 --> 00:03:15.439
Because then every time they see the photos, they remember that you did this together, which also helps.
00:03:15.919 --> 00:03:22.719
For daycare or drop-off school mornings, think about what goes in your child's lunch bag or backpack.
00:03:22.960 --> 00:03:33.919
A small, happy family photo tucked into a lunchbox or slipped into a backpack pocket, not on the front where it gets beaten up, but somewhere where they have to look for it, somewhere special.
00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:39.360
You don't have to explain it every day, just the first time you put it there, make a big moment of it.
00:03:39.599 --> 00:03:43.599
This is our family, and wherever you go today, we're there with you.
00:03:43.759 --> 00:03:45.919
And then let the photo do its job.
00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:53.199
I used to write a little note and drop it in my kids' lunchbox, and when they were too young to read, I started with a drawing.
00:03:53.439 --> 00:03:58.719
Another really powerful way to help your child feel connected is a recorded voice.
00:03:58.879 --> 00:04:00.560
And this one is like magic.
00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:08.400
You can record a message, your voice, dad's voice, both of your voices, and make it accessible to your child when they need it most.
00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:14.080
Some stores have a simple product that's like a big red button and it's a recordable button.
00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:16.800
You press it and you record a short message.
00:04:16.959 --> 00:04:21.519
Then your child presses it whenever they want to hear your voice at night, when they're sad.
00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:27.839
Thirty seconds of I love you, sweetheart, I'm thinking about you right now, I love you so much.
00:04:28.079 --> 00:04:31.120
Remember, we're connected, and I'll see you soon.
00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:33.279
That's it, that's all it takes.
00:04:33.439 --> 00:04:40.959
If you use Tony's, those little audio figures that sit on the Tony box, you can do a Tony story as well.
00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:47.360
You can record a personal message on a creative Tony, put it on the box, and let your child control when they hear it.
00:04:47.519 --> 00:04:54.639
There's something about the voice that's so powerful, it reaches a part of their nervous system deeper than say a photo.
00:04:54.879 --> 00:04:59.199
When separation is hard, give them a voice to come back home to.
00:04:59.600 --> 00:05:07.839
Now all of these tools, the photos, the ritual, the recorded message, they work best when they're not just used in an emergency situation.
00:05:08.079 --> 00:05:13.120
So this breath and kiss ritual with my granddaughter works because we do it all the time.
00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:15.199
We do it when nothing is wrong.
00:05:15.360 --> 00:05:22.000
We do it just because we love each other, because her nervous system already knows what it means before it even needs it.
00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:32.560
In fact, most times when I say goodbye to her, I look at her and I say, remember, we're connected, and then I do a little signal that says we're connected, and she knows what it means.
00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:38.800
Connection needs to be an ongoing conversation you're having all the time, not just in the hard moments.
00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:44.879
So talk about that invisible string when you pick your child up or after a long day.
00:05:45.199 --> 00:05:52.879
Now putting this all together, read the invisible string and it opens up the conversation that you can come back to over and over.
00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:57.120
Create a little ritual that's just yours between you and your child.
00:05:57.360 --> 00:05:59.199
Ours is the breath and the kiss.
00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:03.600
Yours will be something different, but practice it when things are good.
00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:07.120
That's when it actually gets built into the nervous system.
00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:08.560
Prepare the bedroom.
00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:12.079
Family photos at eye level are great for a little kid.
00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:21.839
As a matter of fact, my granddaughter every time before she's willing to put her head down, she looks at the picture and says some comment about who this person looks like or that person.
00:06:22.079 --> 00:06:25.040
Put a photo in the lunchbox or the backpack.
00:06:25.279 --> 00:06:28.079
Something that says I'm thinking about you.
00:06:28.319 --> 00:06:36.160
I know people who draw a little heart on each of your wrists, on your child's and yours, so that you can remember you're connected.
00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:41.519
Talk about connection often, casually, before anyone is crying.
00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:44.079
Make it part of the language of your family.
00:06:44.399 --> 00:06:48.000
We're always connected, even when we're not together.
00:06:48.240 --> 00:06:50.480
That's the thing you're really building.
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:57.279
It's a belief a story a child tells themself when they're scared or when it's dark or when they're lonely.
00:06:58.000 --> 00:07:06.160
Speaking of connection, if you're in the thick of potty training right now or you know it's coming up, or maybe you're dreading it, check out the show notes.
00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:11.600
My potty training made easy program takes you from diapers to dry in 30 days.
00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:21.920
And I'm mentioning it right now because it's hugely built around the concept of staying connected with your child throughout the process.
00:07:22.160 --> 00:07:25.839
There's no pressure, there's no shame, there's no power struggles.
00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:34.240
It's just a plan that works really well because we make the child's experience the priority as opposed to getting it done quickly.
00:07:34.480 --> 00:07:38.800
This is a plan that works beautifully, and the link is in the show notes.
00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:40.879
Have a wonderful week, everyone.
00:07:41.040 --> 00:07:43.920
Keep up with the good work, and I'll see you soon.
00:00:04.959 --> 00:00:08.960
There's something I do with my granddaughter when she's missing her mom.
00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:10.880
It takes about 10 seconds.
00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:13.279
She stops crying almost every time.
00:00:13.439 --> 00:00:18.239
And I'm gonna share this with you in today's episode, and you're gonna want to use it right away.
00:00:18.480 --> 00:00:19.199
I'm Dr.
00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:22.160
Catherine, and this is toddler's made easy.
00:00:22.399 --> 00:00:26.559
My granddaughter's in a big mummy stage right now, and I mean big.
00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:32.240
The kind where sleepovers at Nanas have some loud moments of I want my mummy.
00:00:32.479 --> 00:00:36.719
So we made something up, a little ritual, and it's become one of my favorite things.
00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:38.880
When she's missing her mom, we do this.
00:00:39.119 --> 00:00:45.600
We take a big, slow breath in together, and then we blow out a kiss right up into the air.
00:00:45.840 --> 00:00:52.320
And then I catch it and I say, Here's your mummy's kiss coming back, and I place it on her forehead.
00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:56.399
And that's it, that's the whole thing, and that calms her down.
00:00:56.560 --> 00:00:58.960
Because here's what's actually happening.
00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:13.840
She's taking a few deep calming breaths, which her nervous system desperately needs in that moment, and she's doing something physical, something she can feel, and she's getting the message that mom's love isn't somewhere else, it's right here with her.
00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:17.120
Now we practice this when she doesn't need it too.
00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:24.879
When things are happy and easy and nobody's crying, we just do it because and that's the actual key, and I'll come back to that in a minute.
00:01:25.359 --> 00:01:31.439
There's a picture book I come back to again and again, and it's called The Invisible String, and the idea is simple.
00:01:31.680 --> 00:01:42.879
There's a string, you can't see it, but it connects every person who loves each other, and it stretches across rooms, across towns, across oceans, and it never breaks.
00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:48.480
Little kids can't see it, they can't hold it, but when they feel it, everything changes.
00:01:49.040 --> 00:02:06.879
The moments when little kids feel disconnected by bedtime, daycare drop off, the middle of the night, when a parent travels for work or is at work for long hours, those moments can be made a little bit easier, a little bit less sad and scary when that feeling of connection is with them.
00:02:07.040 --> 00:02:09.439
And that's what makes this so powerful.
00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:13.759
There are real practical things you can do to make that happen.
00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:23.360
I'd say there's at least four times where this comes up regularly bedtime, daycare drop off, middle of the night, and long work hours.
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:26.800
So let's make all of those four times easier.
00:02:27.039 --> 00:02:32.159
We're gonna talk about how to prepare your child's room in a connected way.
00:02:32.400 --> 00:02:40.960
So think about what your child sees when they're lying in bed at night, when they're awake at two in the morning and it's dark and it's quiet and their heart is racing.
00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:47.360
Some family photos on the wall at their level or ones that they can see from where they're lying in bed.
00:02:47.599 --> 00:02:49.919
This sounds small, but it's huge.
00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:54.800
When they wake up scared, before you even get there they can look and see your face.
00:02:55.039 --> 00:02:59.360
Their nervous system starts to settle before a single word is spoken.
00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:01.199
That's part of the job.
00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:04.639
You can involve your little one in picking the photos they want.
00:03:04.960 --> 00:03:09.199
Print them out, let them help you put it up, make it a whole art project.
00:03:09.520 --> 00:03:15.439
Because then every time they see the photos, they remember that you did this together, which also helps.
00:03:15.919 --> 00:03:22.719
For daycare or drop-off school mornings, think about what goes in your child's lunch bag or backpack.
00:03:22.960 --> 00:03:33.919
A small, happy family photo tucked into a lunchbox or slipped into a backpack pocket, not on the front where it gets beaten up, but somewhere where they have to look for it, somewhere special.
00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:39.360
You don't have to explain it every day, just the first time you put it there, make a big moment of it.
00:03:39.599 --> 00:03:43.599
This is our family, and wherever you go today, we're there with you.
00:03:43.759 --> 00:03:45.919
And then let the photo do its job.
00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:53.199
I used to write a little note and drop it in my kids' lunchbox, and when they were too young to read, I started with a drawing.
00:03:53.439 --> 00:03:58.719
Another really powerful way to help your child feel connected is a recorded voice.
00:03:58.879 --> 00:04:00.560
And this one is like magic.
00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:08.400
You can record a message, your voice, dad's voice, both of your voices, and make it accessible to your child when they need it most.
00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:14.080
Some stores have a simple product that's like a big red button and it's a recordable button.
00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:16.800
You press it and you record a short message.
00:04:16.959 --> 00:04:21.519
Then your child presses it whenever they want to hear your voice at night, when they're sad.
00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:27.839
Thirty seconds of I love you, sweetheart, I'm thinking about you right now, I love you so much.
00:04:28.079 --> 00:04:31.120
Remember, we're connected, and I'll see you soon.
00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:33.279
That's it, that's all it takes.
00:04:33.439 --> 00:04:40.959
If you use Tony's, those little audio figures that sit on the Tony box, you can do a Tony story as well.
00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:47.360
You can record a personal message on a creative Tony, put it on the box, and let your child control when they hear it.
00:04:47.519 --> 00:04:54.639
There's something about the voice that's so powerful, it reaches a part of their nervous system deeper than say a photo.
00:04:54.879 --> 00:04:59.199
When separation is hard, give them a voice to come back home to.
00:04:59.600 --> 00:05:07.839
Now all of these tools, the photos, the ritual, the recorded message, they work best when they're not just used in an emergency situation.
00:05:08.079 --> 00:05:13.120
So this breath and kiss ritual with my granddaughter works because we do it all the time.
00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:15.199
We do it when nothing is wrong.
00:05:15.360 --> 00:05:22.000
We do it just because we love each other, because her nervous system already knows what it means before it even needs it.
00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:32.560
In fact, most times when I say goodbye to her, I look at her and I say, remember, we're connected, and then I do a little signal that says we're connected, and she knows what it means.
00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:38.800
Connection needs to be an ongoing conversation you're having all the time, not just in the hard moments.
00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:44.879
So talk about that invisible string when you pick your child up or after a long day.
00:05:45.199 --> 00:05:52.879
Now putting this all together, read the invisible string and it opens up the conversation that you can come back to over and over.
00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:57.120
Create a little ritual that's just yours between you and your child.
00:05:57.360 --> 00:05:59.199
Ours is the breath and the kiss.
00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:03.600
Yours will be something different, but practice it when things are good.
00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:07.120
That's when it actually gets built into the nervous system.
00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:08.560
Prepare the bedroom.
00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:12.079
Family photos at eye level are great for a little kid.
00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:21.839
As a matter of fact, my granddaughter every time before she's willing to put her head down, she looks at the picture and says some comment about who this person looks like or that person.
00:06:22.079 --> 00:06:25.040
Put a photo in the lunchbox or the backpack.
00:06:25.279 --> 00:06:28.079
Something that says I'm thinking about you.
00:06:28.319 --> 00:06:36.160
I know people who draw a little heart on each of your wrists, on your child's and yours, so that you can remember you're connected.
00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:41.519
Talk about connection often, casually, before anyone is crying.
00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:44.079
Make it part of the language of your family.
00:06:44.399 --> 00:06:48.000
We're always connected, even when we're not together.
00:06:48.240 --> 00:06:50.480
That's the thing you're really building.
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:57.279
It's a belief a story a child tells themself when they're scared or when it's dark or when they're lonely.
00:06:58.000 --> 00:07:06.160
Speaking of connection, if you're in the thick of potty training right now or you know it's coming up, or maybe you're dreading it, check out the show notes.
00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:11.600
My potty training made easy program takes you from diapers to dry in 30 days.
00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:21.920
And I'm mentioning it right now because it's hugely built around the concept of staying connected with your child throughout the process.
00:07:22.160 --> 00:07:25.839
There's no pressure, there's no shame, there's no power struggles.
00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:34.240
It's just a plan that works really well because we make the child's experience the priority as opposed to getting it done quickly.
00:07:34.480 --> 00:07:38.800
This is a plan that works beautifully, and the link is in the show notes.
00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:40.879
Have a wonderful week, everyone.
00:07:41.040 --> 00:07:43.920
Keep up with the good work, and I'll see you soon.
