WEBVTT
00:00:11.359 --> 00:00:13.599
Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy.
00:00:13.679 --> 00:00:14.320
I'm Dr.
00:00:14.400 --> 00:00:22.719
Catherine bringing you practical, no fluff parenting advice that helps toddlers thrive and parents survive.
00:00:22.960 --> 00:00:24.559
Let's jump right in.
00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:35.119
First of all, thank you all for your kind words and your DMs about my husband's recent health concerns and the dramatic impact it's had on my family.
00:00:35.359 --> 00:00:41.679
As a quick update, Henry, my husband, is doing great, and he's even getting Antsie to get back to work.
00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:46.320
I think the real toll at this point is the emotional impact on the rest of us.
00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:53.759
However, it's helped me focus on what's really important on life, and one of those things is this podcast.
00:00:53.920 --> 00:01:05.200
I'm devoted to helping you find calm and confidence in your parenting, and I also want to help you raise emotionally strong children as they're our future.
00:01:05.599 --> 00:01:08.239
Now you've probably heard me say it before.
00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:13.840
Being a toddler is tough, and being a parent of a toddler, also tough.
00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:18.959
I remember when my kids were little and my youngest just wouldn't stay in her bed at night.
00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:23.760
She'd dash out of her room 15 times before finally settling down.
00:01:24.000 --> 00:01:26.879
At first I thought she was just trying to drive me crazy.
00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:32.239
But when I took a step back and I saw things from her perspective, it all clicked.
00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:34.879
And that's when I finally found a solution.
00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:38.159
And that's exactly what we're going to talk about today.
00:01:38.400 --> 00:01:42.159
Let's start with why being a toddler is so tough.
00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:45.359
Well, first of all, toddlers aren't mini adults.
00:01:45.519 --> 00:01:52.319
I know I've said that lots of times, but they're little humans and they're still figuring out how the world works.
00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:59.519
Their brains are immature, which means they don't think like us, they don't talk like us, they don't even act like us.
00:01:59.760 --> 00:02:04.480
In fact, toddlers can only hold one thought or one feeling at a time.
00:02:04.640 --> 00:02:07.040
And that's why their moods swing so fast.
00:02:07.200 --> 00:02:10.719
One moment they're thrilled, next moment they're furious.
00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:17.520
Toddlers don't pause to think before they act, and that's why hitting and biting and kicking happen.
00:02:17.840 --> 00:02:20.879
And another thing is they tell it like it is.
00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:23.280
They're also very concrete thinkers.
00:02:23.439 --> 00:02:27.360
They don't see the big picture, so logic doesn't always land.
00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:33.919
If they're focused on something like building a tower, they may genuinely not hear you call them to dinner.
00:02:34.159 --> 00:02:38.080
It's not ignoring you, it's just how their brain works.
00:02:38.319 --> 00:02:41.520
And impulse control still under construction.
00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:48.479
They can't always do what they want to do, and they can't always stop themselves from doing what they shouldn't do.
00:02:48.719 --> 00:02:58.800
A lot of these normal toddler behaviors, behaviors that come from immaturity, end up getting labeled as misbehavior or acting out.
00:02:59.039 --> 00:03:00.400
But here's the thing.
00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:10.240
When we punish toddlers for things that are actually out of a toddler's control, we end up frustrated and they end up feeling misunderstood.
00:03:10.479 --> 00:03:21.439
On top of all of that, toddlers are passionate, they feel everything so intensely, but they don't yet have the words or the tools to manage those feelings.
00:03:21.680 --> 00:03:33.039
No, they need time, support, and space to figure out who they are before they develop the focus and the patience and the self-control that comes with age.
00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:37.039
And another big thing, you can't rush brain development.
00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:48.400
Instead of expecting toddlers to be self-controlled and considerate and logical before they're ready, let's focus on how we can support them while they grow.
00:03:48.639 --> 00:03:55.520
Let's make sure we're teaching little kiddos in ways that actually match how their brains work.
00:03:55.840 --> 00:03:59.599
I call this developmentally smart discipline.
00:03:59.840 --> 00:04:06.800
So in today's podcast, we're going to look at ways to keep toddlers out of trouble until maturity kicks in.
00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:10.800
In other words, developmentally smart discipline.
00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:15.919
Now the first aspect about this is providing supervision.
00:04:16.160 --> 00:04:20.000
Now, supervision is about guidance, not punishment.
00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:27.759
It means creating order, ensuring safety, and providing direction while toddlers grow and mature.
00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:31.920
It's about setting toddlers up for success as their brains catch up.
00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:37.040
For example, let's consider a child who is hitting her sib and friends when she's frustrated.
00:04:37.360 --> 00:04:45.920
Emma, who is a patient from my office, is a really spirited two and a half year old, and she's been hitting her older brother whenever she gets worked up.
00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:49.040
At first her parents kept telling her, no hitting.
00:04:49.279 --> 00:04:54.959
And then they would give her a timeout, but it really wasn't helping, and in fact she was hitting more than ever.
00:04:55.120 --> 00:04:58.639
And then they just changed how they were supervising her.
00:04:58.879 --> 00:05:09.839
So instead of waiting for Emma to hit, watching to see if she was going to, they stayed close to her during playtime and they stepped in early when they noticed frustration building.
00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:12.160
They showed her what to do instead.
00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:13.600
You're feeling mad.
00:05:13.839 --> 00:05:18.800
Well you can say, move over, please, or you can say, Can I have a turn?
00:05:18.959 --> 00:05:22.639
Or you can stomp your feet to get the angry feelings out.
00:05:22.879 --> 00:05:27.600
With time and maturity, Emma started using words instead of hands.
00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:38.160
So if you're struggling with challenging moments, ask yourself, how can I adjust how I'm supervising my child to prevent this from happening again?
00:05:38.399 --> 00:05:40.240
For example, another one.
00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:53.920
If your toddler keeps dumping out the dog's water bowl, instead of just saying no over and over and over, you could move the bowl to a less accessible spot, or you could involve your child in caring for the dog.
00:05:54.000 --> 00:05:57.040
You could make them, let's say, the water monitor.
00:05:57.199 --> 00:06:01.439
So when the bowl gets low, they let you know and you've refill it together.
00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:07.519
You see what you've done here is you've turned their curiosity into a helpful responsibility.
00:06:07.839 --> 00:06:15.519
The next effective strategy or smart discipline or developmentally smart discipline is prepping kids.
00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:23.360
When kids know what's coming next and what's expected of them, daily life tends to feel easier and calmer.
00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:29.759
Prepping kids means telling them what to expect, how they might feel, and what to do in the moment.
00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:35.600
For example, before heading to the park, you might say, We're gonna go to the park so you can play with your friends.
00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:39.120
You'll have time to play, and then it'll be time to go home for lunch.
00:06:39.360 --> 00:06:46.800
Now before we leave, I'm gonna just give you a little heads up and let you choose one last thing to do, like going down the slide or going on the swing.
00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:48.800
It might feel hard to leave.
00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:53.040
If you feel sad, you can take some magic breaths or you can hold my hand.
00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:54.480
I'm here to help.
00:06:54.720 --> 00:07:02.639
You see, this way toddlers know what's coming, they have a strategy for handling their feelings, and they have something to look forward to as well.
00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:09.920
The next strategy that is developmentally smart is to model the behavior you want to see.
00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:13.680
Kids learn more from what we do than what we say.
00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:21.680
When they see us handling situations with patience and kindness and respect, they naturally soak up these values.
00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:27.199
For example, my husband is one of the kindest, most considered people I know.
00:07:27.439 --> 00:07:31.600
Just like my kids are, we never had to give them lectures on kindness.
00:07:31.759 --> 00:07:38.000
They picked it up simply by watching how we treat each other and those around us.
00:07:38.240 --> 00:07:44.720
The next developmentally smart strategy is to notice and highlight the good things your kids are doing.
00:07:44.959 --> 00:07:50.560
One of the most powerful ways to encourage positive behavior is to call it out when you see it.
00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:55.839
When kids feel seen for their efforts, big or small, they're more likely to repeat them.
00:07:56.079 --> 00:08:03.600
So for example, if your child starts brushing their teeth without being asked, you might say, wow, you remembered that all on your own?
00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:06.319
That shows so much responsibility.
00:08:06.560 --> 00:08:10.319
Or let's say they share a toy, you could say, Oh, that was so thoughtful.
00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:12.639
Look how happy your brother is.
00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:15.920
Kids really thrive on positive attention.
00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:23.120
And when you focus on what they're doing well, you're not just shaping their behavior, you're shaping their inner voice.
00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:24.959
And here's the best part.
00:08:25.199 --> 00:08:27.199
This isn't just about childhood.
00:08:27.360 --> 00:08:38.000
When we get in the habit of noticing the good in our kids, it strengthens our connection with them, it builds their self-worth, and it makes parenting easier.
00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:43.759
So today, take a moment to catch your child doing something great and say it out loud.
00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:47.519
You might be surprised at the ripple effect it creates.
00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:52.080
Now I began this episode by saying that being a toddler is tough.
00:08:52.320 --> 00:08:56.399
So let's stop being so tough on toddlers and ourselves.
00:08:56.639 --> 00:09:06.159
Now let's just go over a few of the key actionable steps you can implement right away to solve current challenges and prevent future ones.
00:09:06.399 --> 00:09:14.559
So instead of expecting your kids to have self-control, we need to manage situations in a developmentally friendly way.
00:09:14.799 --> 00:09:26.879
Rather than punishing or lecturing your child about a problem, ask yourself, how can I supervise my child in a way that prevents whatever the problem is from happening?
00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:37.120
Helping toddlers know what to expect, so prepping them helps them to know what they might feel, what's going to happen, and it gives them the tools to manage those feelings.
00:09:37.360 --> 00:09:40.480
And again, it makes life easier for everyone.
00:09:40.720 --> 00:09:44.320
So before leaving the house, you might say, we're going to the store.
00:09:44.480 --> 00:09:48.240
You might feel frustrated if we don't buy a toy that you see there.
00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:54.399
If that happens, you can hold my hand, you can take a deep breath, you can put it on the wish list.
00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:58.960
After the store, we're gonna go home and you can play when we get home.
00:09:59.200 --> 00:10:04.559
Lastly, toddlers soak up everything and they learn more from what we do than what we say.
00:10:04.799 --> 00:10:16.080
So when they see us handling frustration with patience, speaking kindly to others, or apologizing when we make mistakes, they absorb those values without a single lecture.
00:10:16.399 --> 00:10:19.440
So remember, you're doing a great job.
00:10:19.759 --> 00:10:30.080
Parenting toddlers is hard work, and every time you show up with calm and understanding, even when it's a messy toddler moment, you're making a difference.
00:10:30.320 --> 00:10:32.480
You should feel proud of yourself.
00:10:32.799 --> 00:10:42.000
Now, if a big-hearted approach resonates with you and you'd like more support, take a look at our courses toddler Made Easy and Potty Training Made Easy.
00:10:42.159 --> 00:10:44.720
You'll find the links to them in the show notes.
00:10:44.960 --> 00:10:46.559
Thank you for listening today.
00:10:46.720 --> 00:10:49.840
Have a great week and keep up the good job.
00:10:50.080 --> 00:10:54.080
I believe in your ability to be the parent you want to be.
00:00:11.359 --> 00:00:13.599
Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy.
00:00:13.679 --> 00:00:14.320
I'm Dr.
00:00:14.400 --> 00:00:22.719
Catherine bringing you practical, no fluff parenting advice that helps toddlers thrive and parents survive.
00:00:22.960 --> 00:00:24.559
Let's jump right in.
00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:35.119
First of all, thank you all for your kind words and your DMs about my husband's recent health concerns and the dramatic impact it's had on my family.
00:00:35.359 --> 00:00:41.679
As a quick update, Henry, my husband, is doing great, and he's even getting Antsie to get back to work.
00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:46.320
I think the real toll at this point is the emotional impact on the rest of us.
00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:53.759
However, it's helped me focus on what's really important on life, and one of those things is this podcast.
00:00:53.920 --> 00:01:05.200
I'm devoted to helping you find calm and confidence in your parenting, and I also want to help you raise emotionally strong children as they're our future.
00:01:05.599 --> 00:01:08.239
Now you've probably heard me say it before.
00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:13.840
Being a toddler is tough, and being a parent of a toddler, also tough.
00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:18.959
I remember when my kids were little and my youngest just wouldn't stay in her bed at night.
00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:23.760
She'd dash out of her room 15 times before finally settling down.
00:01:24.000 --> 00:01:26.879
At first I thought she was just trying to drive me crazy.
00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:32.239
But when I took a step back and I saw things from her perspective, it all clicked.
00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:34.879
And that's when I finally found a solution.
00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:38.159
And that's exactly what we're going to talk about today.
00:01:38.400 --> 00:01:42.159
Let's start with why being a toddler is so tough.
00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:45.359
Well, first of all, toddlers aren't mini adults.
00:01:45.519 --> 00:01:52.319
I know I've said that lots of times, but they're little humans and they're still figuring out how the world works.
00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:59.519
Their brains are immature, which means they don't think like us, they don't talk like us, they don't even act like us.
00:01:59.760 --> 00:02:04.480
In fact, toddlers can only hold one thought or one feeling at a time.
00:02:04.640 --> 00:02:07.040
And that's why their moods swing so fast.
00:02:07.200 --> 00:02:10.719
One moment they're thrilled, next moment they're furious.
00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:17.520
Toddlers don't pause to think before they act, and that's why hitting and biting and kicking happen.
00:02:17.840 --> 00:02:20.879
And another thing is they tell it like it is.
00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:23.280
They're also very concrete thinkers.
00:02:23.439 --> 00:02:27.360
They don't see the big picture, so logic doesn't always land.
00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:33.919
If they're focused on something like building a tower, they may genuinely not hear you call them to dinner.
00:02:34.159 --> 00:02:38.080
It's not ignoring you, it's just how their brain works.
00:02:38.319 --> 00:02:41.520
And impulse control still under construction.
00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:48.479
They can't always do what they want to do, and they can't always stop themselves from doing what they shouldn't do.
00:02:48.719 --> 00:02:58.800
A lot of these normal toddler behaviors, behaviors that come from immaturity, end up getting labeled as misbehavior or acting out.
00:02:59.039 --> 00:03:00.400
But here's the thing.
00:03:00.719 --> 00:03:10.240
When we punish toddlers for things that are actually out of a toddler's control, we end up frustrated and they end up feeling misunderstood.
00:03:10.479 --> 00:03:21.439
On top of all of that, toddlers are passionate, they feel everything so intensely, but they don't yet have the words or the tools to manage those feelings.
00:03:21.680 --> 00:03:33.039
No, they need time, support, and space to figure out who they are before they develop the focus and the patience and the self-control that comes with age.
00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:37.039
And another big thing, you can't rush brain development.
00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:48.400
Instead of expecting toddlers to be self-controlled and considerate and logical before they're ready, let's focus on how we can support them while they grow.
00:03:48.639 --> 00:03:55.520
Let's make sure we're teaching little kiddos in ways that actually match how their brains work.
00:03:55.840 --> 00:03:59.599
I call this developmentally smart discipline.
00:03:59.840 --> 00:04:06.800
So in today's podcast, we're going to look at ways to keep toddlers out of trouble until maturity kicks in.
00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:10.800
In other words, developmentally smart discipline.
00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:15.919
Now the first aspect about this is providing supervision.
00:04:16.160 --> 00:04:20.000
Now, supervision is about guidance, not punishment.
00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:27.759
It means creating order, ensuring safety, and providing direction while toddlers grow and mature.
00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:31.920
It's about setting toddlers up for success as their brains catch up.
00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:37.040
For example, let's consider a child who is hitting her sib and friends when she's frustrated.
00:04:37.360 --> 00:04:45.920
Emma, who is a patient from my office, is a really spirited two and a half year old, and she's been hitting her older brother whenever she gets worked up.
00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:49.040
At first her parents kept telling her, no hitting.
00:04:49.279 --> 00:04:54.959
And then they would give her a timeout, but it really wasn't helping, and in fact she was hitting more than ever.
00:04:55.120 --> 00:04:58.639
And then they just changed how they were supervising her.
00:04:58.879 --> 00:05:09.839
So instead of waiting for Emma to hit, watching to see if she was going to, they stayed close to her during playtime and they stepped in early when they noticed frustration building.
00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:12.160
They showed her what to do instead.
00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:13.600
You're feeling mad.
00:05:13.839 --> 00:05:18.800
Well you can say, move over, please, or you can say, Can I have a turn?
00:05:18.959 --> 00:05:22.639
Or you can stomp your feet to get the angry feelings out.
00:05:22.879 --> 00:05:27.600
With time and maturity, Emma started using words instead of hands.
00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:38.160
So if you're struggling with challenging moments, ask yourself, how can I adjust how I'm supervising my child to prevent this from happening again?
00:05:38.399 --> 00:05:40.240
For example, another one.
00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:53.920
If your toddler keeps dumping out the dog's water bowl, instead of just saying no over and over and over, you could move the bowl to a less accessible spot, or you could involve your child in caring for the dog.
00:05:54.000 --> 00:05:57.040
You could make them, let's say, the water monitor.
00:05:57.199 --> 00:06:01.439
So when the bowl gets low, they let you know and you've refill it together.
00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:07.519
You see what you've done here is you've turned their curiosity into a helpful responsibility.
00:06:07.839 --> 00:06:15.519
The next effective strategy or smart discipline or developmentally smart discipline is prepping kids.
00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:23.360
When kids know what's coming next and what's expected of them, daily life tends to feel easier and calmer.
00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:29.759
Prepping kids means telling them what to expect, how they might feel, and what to do in the moment.
00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:35.600
For example, before heading to the park, you might say, We're gonna go to the park so you can play with your friends.
00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:39.120
You'll have time to play, and then it'll be time to go home for lunch.
00:06:39.360 --> 00:06:46.800
Now before we leave, I'm gonna just give you a little heads up and let you choose one last thing to do, like going down the slide or going on the swing.
00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:48.800
It might feel hard to leave.
00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:53.040
If you feel sad, you can take some magic breaths or you can hold my hand.
00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:54.480
I'm here to help.
00:06:54.720 --> 00:07:02.639
You see, this way toddlers know what's coming, they have a strategy for handling their feelings, and they have something to look forward to as well.
00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:09.920
The next strategy that is developmentally smart is to model the behavior you want to see.
00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:13.680
Kids learn more from what we do than what we say.
00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:21.680
When they see us handling situations with patience and kindness and respect, they naturally soak up these values.
00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:27.199
For example, my husband is one of the kindest, most considered people I know.
00:07:27.439 --> 00:07:31.600
Just like my kids are, we never had to give them lectures on kindness.
00:07:31.759 --> 00:07:38.000
They picked it up simply by watching how we treat each other and those around us.
00:07:38.240 --> 00:07:44.720
The next developmentally smart strategy is to notice and highlight the good things your kids are doing.
00:07:44.959 --> 00:07:50.560
One of the most powerful ways to encourage positive behavior is to call it out when you see it.
00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:55.839
When kids feel seen for their efforts, big or small, they're more likely to repeat them.
00:07:56.079 --> 00:08:03.600
So for example, if your child starts brushing their teeth without being asked, you might say, wow, you remembered that all on your own?
00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:06.319
That shows so much responsibility.
00:08:06.560 --> 00:08:10.319
Or let's say they share a toy, you could say, Oh, that was so thoughtful.
00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:12.639
Look how happy your brother is.
00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:15.920
Kids really thrive on positive attention.
00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:23.120
And when you focus on what they're doing well, you're not just shaping their behavior, you're shaping their inner voice.
00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:24.959
And here's the best part.
00:08:25.199 --> 00:08:27.199
This isn't just about childhood.
00:08:27.360 --> 00:08:38.000
When we get in the habit of noticing the good in our kids, it strengthens our connection with them, it builds their self-worth, and it makes parenting easier.
00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:43.759
So today, take a moment to catch your child doing something great and say it out loud.
00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:47.519
You might be surprised at the ripple effect it creates.
00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:52.080
Now I began this episode by saying that being a toddler is tough.
00:08:52.320 --> 00:08:56.399
So let's stop being so tough on toddlers and ourselves.
00:08:56.639 --> 00:09:06.159
Now let's just go over a few of the key actionable steps you can implement right away to solve current challenges and prevent future ones.
00:09:06.399 --> 00:09:14.559
So instead of expecting your kids to have self-control, we need to manage situations in a developmentally friendly way.
00:09:14.799 --> 00:09:26.879
Rather than punishing or lecturing your child about a problem, ask yourself, how can I supervise my child in a way that prevents whatever the problem is from happening?
00:09:27.120 --> 00:09:37.120
Helping toddlers know what to expect, so prepping them helps them to know what they might feel, what's going to happen, and it gives them the tools to manage those feelings.
00:09:37.360 --> 00:09:40.480
And again, it makes life easier for everyone.
00:09:40.720 --> 00:09:44.320
So before leaving the house, you might say, we're going to the store.
00:09:44.480 --> 00:09:48.240
You might feel frustrated if we don't buy a toy that you see there.
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If that happens, you can hold my hand, you can take a deep breath, you can put it on the wish list.
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After the store, we're gonna go home and you can play when we get home.
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Lastly, toddlers soak up everything and they learn more from what we do than what we say.
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So when they see us handling frustration with patience, speaking kindly to others, or apologizing when we make mistakes, they absorb those values without a single lecture.
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So remember, you're doing a great job.
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Parenting toddlers is hard work, and every time you show up with calm and understanding, even when it's a messy toddler moment, you're making a difference.
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You should feel proud of yourself.
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Now, if a big-hearted approach resonates with you and you'd like more support, take a look at our courses toddler Made Easy and Potty Training Made Easy.
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You'll find the links to them in the show notes.
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Thank you for listening today.
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Have a great week and keep up the good job.
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I believe in your ability to be the parent you want to be.
