WEBVTT
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:15.359
Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy.
00:00:15.519 --> 00:00:16.879
I'm your host, Dr.
00:00:17.039 --> 00:00:17.760
Catherine.
00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:26.800
And today we're going to be discussing one of the most challenging parts of parenting, why night wakings happen and how to fix it.
00:00:26.960 --> 00:00:32.399
In other words, we're going to talk about why do kids wake up in the middle of the night and what you can do about it.
00:00:32.719 --> 00:00:37.039
Now, there was a time in my life when I thought I'd never get sleep again.
00:00:37.280 --> 00:00:46.240
But my husband and I, we learned from our mistakes, particularly with our second child, and we got the kids into some good routines after that.
00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:56.399
Now, when you understand the mistakes you're making and how to fix them, you don't need reward charts or lock doors or even tears.
00:00:57.039 --> 00:01:01.759
So I want to share a story with you about our biggest sleep mistake.
00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:04.000
I call this the Marissa story.
00:01:04.319 --> 00:01:14.480
I visited my parents in Florida when my daughter was about nine months old, so this is a long time ago, and my husband and my son, my eldest, stayed home.
00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:22.400
Marissa was my second child, but it always felt like she was my first child because there was 10 years between her and her older brother.
00:01:22.560 --> 00:01:26.719
I called them like before and after medical school kids.
00:01:26.959 --> 00:01:36.319
On the first night of my visit, as I was putting Marissa to bed, I was rocking her to sleep when my mother looked at me and said, What are you doing?
00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:38.879
And I said, I'm putting Marissa to bed.
00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:42.000
And she asked, Well, why are you rocking her?
00:01:42.159 --> 00:01:44.640
And I said, That's the only way she'll fall asleep.
00:01:44.799 --> 00:01:46.719
Believe me, I've tried everything.
00:01:46.959 --> 00:01:52.480
Well, my mother gently took Marissa from me and she said, Don't be silly, sweetheart.
00:01:52.719 --> 00:02:00.319
And she put Marissa in her crib, and then my mother went and sat quietly in the corner of the room as she read a newspaper.
00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:03.200
Of course, Marissa fell right to sleep.
00:02:03.439 --> 00:02:05.680
But my lesson didn't end there.
00:02:05.920 --> 00:02:17.439
When Marissa woke up in the middle of the night, I was a little bit slow to get up and to get her, because typically it's my husband who would race to get her the moment she made even the slightest peep.
00:02:17.840 --> 00:02:23.439
Well, needless to say, Marissa fell back to sleep before I even got to her.
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:30.000
And I realized we were actually waking Marissa up and not the other way around.
00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:43.199
Now, the point of this story is not what ninkam poops my husband and I were, but how easy it is to get into ineffective habits and not see things clearly.
00:02:43.520 --> 00:02:51.360
And in this episode, we're going to take a look at some of the common mistakes that lead to these middle-of-the-night wakeups.
00:02:51.599 --> 00:02:56.639
But before we do, let's take a quick look at sleep deprivation.
00:02:57.039 --> 00:03:00.800
Sleep deprivation isn't just about feeling tired.
00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:08.000
It can actually lead to some serious consequences, like increased risks of accidents.
00:03:08.240 --> 00:03:15.120
In fact, did you know that driving sleep deprived is comparable to driving impaired?
00:03:15.360 --> 00:03:20.960
And for parents, the lack of sleep affects their emotional regulation.
00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:27.680
Yes, I know we're always talking about a toddler's emotional regulation, but parents have emotional regulation.
00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:29.199
Everybody does.
00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:37.919
But emotional regulation is crucial in managing all those tricky toddler moments without losing your cool.
00:03:38.159 --> 00:03:50.159
Now, I did a recent poll on social media about what parents consider to be their biggest problem, and losing their cool on their kids was by far the number one problem.
00:03:50.960 --> 00:03:59.280
Typically, as parenting experts, we focus on teaching mantras and deep breathing as ways to stop losing your cool.
00:03:59.439 --> 00:04:05.599
And while those are all very helpful ways, getting more sleep is really what it's about.
00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:11.039
Now, let's circle back to why kids get up in the night.
00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:15.680
We're going to be focusing on just a few of the most common reasons.
00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:17.920
There are more, but these are the biggies.
00:04:18.240 --> 00:04:31.759
And without a doubt, the most common reason for kids to be making mad dashes into your room or crying for you to come to their room are because of what's called ineffective sleep associations.
00:04:31.920 --> 00:04:33.519
And let me explain.
00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:40.000
How you fall asleep at bedtime is directly tied to whether you wake up in the night.
00:04:40.240 --> 00:04:48.319
Human beings are creatures of habit, and we become accustomed to a routine, and any deviation from it causes us grief.
00:04:48.560 --> 00:05:08.240
So if your child is dozing off at bedtime, with you cuddling them or lying in bed with them or rubbing their back or holding their hand, that's what your child is going to need when she hits that light sleep state or that brief night awakening in the middle of the night.
00:05:08.399 --> 00:05:21.920
In other words, she's learning if there are no cuddles or whatever the conditions are that help her fall asleep at bedtime, well, when she wakes up in the night, if those conditions aren't there, she can't fall back to sleep.
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:27.680
Now, as adults, we also wake up in the night and think about it for a moment.
00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:34.079
A typical response to a night waking for an adult is adjusting your pillow or just turning over.
00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:41.600
Toddlers, however, become dependent on those certain conditions they use to fall asleep at bedtime.
00:05:41.920 --> 00:05:51.439
So here's the thing: your toddler goes from shallow to deep sleep, and this cycle repeats itself multiple times throughout the night.
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:59.199
Many toddlers wake up briefly after a brief night awakening because they don't know how to sue themselves back to sleep.
00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:08.720
They've grown accustomed to your being there to help them doze off, and that's what they need at bedtime and in the middle of the night.
00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:17.120
Night awakenings are a biologic fact, but how a toddler manages these moments is learned.
00:06:17.360 --> 00:06:27.519
Now, from a toddler's perspective, they've learned, okay, when I go to sleep, I need my mom or dad to rub my back or whatever the conditions are.
00:06:27.759 --> 00:06:33.199
So when your child wakes up in the night, yes, I know I'm repeating myself, but it's such a big point.
00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:47.680
Your toddler has come to associate whatever conditions they use at bedtime to need these every time they doze off, whether it's at bedtime or the middle of the night with those brief night awakenings.
00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:54.480
Now there are other reasons, and another significant reason kids get up at night is fear.
00:06:54.800 --> 00:07:00.800
The dark, closets, and noises can interfere with a child's ability to doze off.
00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:23.759
If you haven't listened to the December 28, 2022 episode called Overcoming Bedtime Fears, I'd highly recommend you listen to this episode about nighttime fears if that's a problem you're struggling with, because there's a lovely strategy on that episode that helps kids stay in bed in the middle of the night when fear is the issue that's getting them up.
00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:28.480
Another reason children have difficulty at night is simply because they miss you.
00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:31.519
Just like saying goodbye at daycare can be challenging.
00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:33.839
Well, bedtime is the same challenge.
00:07:34.079 --> 00:07:40.959
It's the longest time a child is away from you, and they're away from you in the dark for a long time.
00:07:41.600 --> 00:07:50.720
So there are a few little strategies to help with that, like putting a photo album by the bed, putting pictures of the family up in the bedroom.
00:07:50.959 --> 00:07:58.160
And another one that we did this with our kids, and I really liked it, is there's a little button you can buy from Amazon.
00:07:58.399 --> 00:07:59.680
Actually, it's a big button.
00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:01.920
In our day, we'd get it at Staples.
00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:05.279
I'm not sure if that's in the US, but it's in Canada.
00:08:05.519 --> 00:08:08.959
And basically it's a big button, easy to see.
00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:12.879
And when you hit it, it will play whatever is recorded.
00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:16.720
And so I would tell my kids stories and it would play.
00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:21.839
I'm not sure what the length of the recordings are now, but your child can hear your voice.
00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:29.519
There's also stuffed animals that you can buy that you can record a message, and when they hug it, it says the message.
00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:33.519
But it's a way to create connection when you're not there.
00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:41.600
Now, before we finish off, I need to include a few medical causes for sleep disruptions as well.
00:08:41.840 --> 00:08:51.360
As a pediatrician, these are all things I've seen, but not nearly as frequently as sleep associations being the cause of night awakenings.
00:08:51.440 --> 00:08:59.279
But anyhow, the first medical cause for sleep disturbance would be something called obstructive sleep apnea.
00:08:59.440 --> 00:09:08.159
And when this is an issue, you typically have snoring, but not just snoring, also gasping and choking at night.
00:09:08.480 --> 00:09:12.080
Restless leg syndrome is something most people have heard about.
00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:16.559
It's really tricky to diagnose with kids, but it's really easy to treat.
00:09:16.799 --> 00:09:24.000
And from a kid's perspective, what they say is they have this incredible urge to move their legs, and it gets worse when they lie down.
00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:27.440
And another common reason is eczema.
00:09:27.600 --> 00:09:34.000
Children with very bad eczema that's poorly controlled, the itchiness can interfere with sleep.
00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:40.159
Now, before we finish up, let's take a moment and look at well, how much sleep does a toddler actually need?
00:09:40.559 --> 00:09:42.960
So let's start with one to two year olds.
00:09:43.279 --> 00:09:49.039
They need about 11 to 14 hours sleep a day, and this includes nap time sleep.
00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:56.879
Preschoolers, meaning three to five year olds, they need about 10 to 13 hours a day, again, including nap time.
00:09:57.279 --> 00:10:01.840
And then as kids get older, the sleep requirements go down a little bit.
00:10:02.080 --> 00:10:08.399
So school age children that's 6 to about 12 years old need 9 to 12 hours sleep a day.
00:10:08.720 --> 00:10:17.120
Insufficient sleep in children can lead to behavioral issues, impaired decision making, and difficulty in learning.
00:10:17.360 --> 00:10:32.000
Now, if you're feeling stumped by what to say to your child at bedtime, or even other challenging moments, take a look at our new resource, Words That Work, 200 scripts for all those tricky toddler moments.
00:10:32.240 --> 00:10:35.200
You'll find the link for this in the show notes.
00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:38.799
Have a wonderful week and keep up the good work!
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:15.359
Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy.
00:00:15.519 --> 00:00:16.879
I'm your host, Dr.
00:00:17.039 --> 00:00:17.760
Catherine.
00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:26.800
And today we're going to be discussing one of the most challenging parts of parenting, why night wakings happen and how to fix it.
00:00:26.960 --> 00:00:32.399
In other words, we're going to talk about why do kids wake up in the middle of the night and what you can do about it.
00:00:32.719 --> 00:00:37.039
Now, there was a time in my life when I thought I'd never get sleep again.
00:00:37.280 --> 00:00:46.240
But my husband and I, we learned from our mistakes, particularly with our second child, and we got the kids into some good routines after that.
00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:56.399
Now, when you understand the mistakes you're making and how to fix them, you don't need reward charts or lock doors or even tears.
00:00:57.039 --> 00:01:01.759
So I want to share a story with you about our biggest sleep mistake.
00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:04.000
I call this the Marissa story.
00:01:04.319 --> 00:01:14.480
I visited my parents in Florida when my daughter was about nine months old, so this is a long time ago, and my husband and my son, my eldest, stayed home.
00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:22.400
Marissa was my second child, but it always felt like she was my first child because there was 10 years between her and her older brother.
00:01:22.560 --> 00:01:26.719
I called them like before and after medical school kids.
00:01:26.959 --> 00:01:36.319
On the first night of my visit, as I was putting Marissa to bed, I was rocking her to sleep when my mother looked at me and said, What are you doing?
00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:38.879
And I said, I'm putting Marissa to bed.
00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:42.000
And she asked, Well, why are you rocking her?
00:01:42.159 --> 00:01:44.640
And I said, That's the only way she'll fall asleep.
00:01:44.799 --> 00:01:46.719
Believe me, I've tried everything.
00:01:46.959 --> 00:01:52.480
Well, my mother gently took Marissa from me and she said, Don't be silly, sweetheart.
00:01:52.719 --> 00:02:00.319
And she put Marissa in her crib, and then my mother went and sat quietly in the corner of the room as she read a newspaper.
00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:03.200
Of course, Marissa fell right to sleep.
00:02:03.439 --> 00:02:05.680
But my lesson didn't end there.
00:02:05.920 --> 00:02:17.439
When Marissa woke up in the middle of the night, I was a little bit slow to get up and to get her, because typically it's my husband who would race to get her the moment she made even the slightest peep.
00:02:17.840 --> 00:02:23.439
Well, needless to say, Marissa fell back to sleep before I even got to her.
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:30.000
And I realized we were actually waking Marissa up and not the other way around.
00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:43.199
Now, the point of this story is not what ninkam poops my husband and I were, but how easy it is to get into ineffective habits and not see things clearly.
00:02:43.520 --> 00:02:51.360
And in this episode, we're going to take a look at some of the common mistakes that lead to these middle-of-the-night wakeups.
00:02:51.599 --> 00:02:56.639
But before we do, let's take a quick look at sleep deprivation.
00:02:57.039 --> 00:03:00.800
Sleep deprivation isn't just about feeling tired.
00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:08.000
It can actually lead to some serious consequences, like increased risks of accidents.
00:03:08.240 --> 00:03:15.120
In fact, did you know that driving sleep deprived is comparable to driving impaired?
00:03:15.360 --> 00:03:20.960
And for parents, the lack of sleep affects their emotional regulation.
00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:27.680
Yes, I know we're always talking about a toddler's emotional regulation, but parents have emotional regulation.
00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:29.199
Everybody does.
00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:37.919
But emotional regulation is crucial in managing all those tricky toddler moments without losing your cool.
00:03:38.159 --> 00:03:50.159
Now, I did a recent poll on social media about what parents consider to be their biggest problem, and losing their cool on their kids was by far the number one problem.
00:03:50.960 --> 00:03:59.280
Typically, as parenting experts, we focus on teaching mantras and deep breathing as ways to stop losing your cool.
00:03:59.439 --> 00:04:05.599
And while those are all very helpful ways, getting more sleep is really what it's about.
00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:11.039
Now, let's circle back to why kids get up in the night.
00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:15.680
We're going to be focusing on just a few of the most common reasons.
00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:17.920
There are more, but these are the biggies.
00:04:18.240 --> 00:04:31.759
And without a doubt, the most common reason for kids to be making mad dashes into your room or crying for you to come to their room are because of what's called ineffective sleep associations.
00:04:31.920 --> 00:04:33.519
And let me explain.
00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:40.000
How you fall asleep at bedtime is directly tied to whether you wake up in the night.
00:04:40.240 --> 00:04:48.319
Human beings are creatures of habit, and we become accustomed to a routine, and any deviation from it causes us grief.
00:04:48.560 --> 00:05:08.240
So if your child is dozing off at bedtime, with you cuddling them or lying in bed with them or rubbing their back or holding their hand, that's what your child is going to need when she hits that light sleep state or that brief night awakening in the middle of the night.
00:05:08.399 --> 00:05:21.920
In other words, she's learning if there are no cuddles or whatever the conditions are that help her fall asleep at bedtime, well, when she wakes up in the night, if those conditions aren't there, she can't fall back to sleep.
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:27.680
Now, as adults, we also wake up in the night and think about it for a moment.
00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:34.079
A typical response to a night waking for an adult is adjusting your pillow or just turning over.
00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:41.600
Toddlers, however, become dependent on those certain conditions they use to fall asleep at bedtime.
00:05:41.920 --> 00:05:51.439
So here's the thing: your toddler goes from shallow to deep sleep, and this cycle repeats itself multiple times throughout the night.
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:59.199
Many toddlers wake up briefly after a brief night awakening because they don't know how to sue themselves back to sleep.
00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:08.720
They've grown accustomed to your being there to help them doze off, and that's what they need at bedtime and in the middle of the night.
00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:17.120
Night awakenings are a biologic fact, but how a toddler manages these moments is learned.
00:06:17.360 --> 00:06:27.519
Now, from a toddler's perspective, they've learned, okay, when I go to sleep, I need my mom or dad to rub my back or whatever the conditions are.
00:06:27.759 --> 00:06:33.199
So when your child wakes up in the night, yes, I know I'm repeating myself, but it's such a big point.
00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:47.680
Your toddler has come to associate whatever conditions they use at bedtime to need these every time they doze off, whether it's at bedtime or the middle of the night with those brief night awakenings.
00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:54.480
Now there are other reasons, and another significant reason kids get up at night is fear.
00:06:54.800 --> 00:07:00.800
The dark, closets, and noises can interfere with a child's ability to doze off.
00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:23.759
If you haven't listened to the December 28, 2022 episode called Overcoming Bedtime Fears, I'd highly recommend you listen to this episode about nighttime fears if that's a problem you're struggling with, because there's a lovely strategy on that episode that helps kids stay in bed in the middle of the night when fear is the issue that's getting them up.
00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:28.480
Another reason children have difficulty at night is simply because they miss you.
00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:31.519
Just like saying goodbye at daycare can be challenging.
00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:33.839
Well, bedtime is the same challenge.
00:07:34.079 --> 00:07:40.959
It's the longest time a child is away from you, and they're away from you in the dark for a long time.
00:07:41.600 --> 00:07:50.720
So there are a few little strategies to help with that, like putting a photo album by the bed, putting pictures of the family up in the bedroom.
00:07:50.959 --> 00:07:58.160
And another one that we did this with our kids, and I really liked it, is there's a little button you can buy from Amazon.
00:07:58.399 --> 00:07:59.680
Actually, it's a big button.
00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:01.920
In our day, we'd get it at Staples.
00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:05.279
I'm not sure if that's in the US, but it's in Canada.
00:08:05.519 --> 00:08:08.959
And basically it's a big button, easy to see.
00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:12.879
And when you hit it, it will play whatever is recorded.
00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:16.720
And so I would tell my kids stories and it would play.
00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:21.839
I'm not sure what the length of the recordings are now, but your child can hear your voice.
00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:29.519
There's also stuffed animals that you can buy that you can record a message, and when they hug it, it says the message.
00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:33.519
But it's a way to create connection when you're not there.
00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:41.600
Now, before we finish off, I need to include a few medical causes for sleep disruptions as well.
00:08:41.840 --> 00:08:51.360
As a pediatrician, these are all things I've seen, but not nearly as frequently as sleep associations being the cause of night awakenings.
00:08:51.440 --> 00:08:59.279
But anyhow, the first medical cause for sleep disturbance would be something called obstructive sleep apnea.
00:08:59.440 --> 00:09:08.159
And when this is an issue, you typically have snoring, but not just snoring, also gasping and choking at night.
00:09:08.480 --> 00:09:12.080
Restless leg syndrome is something most people have heard about.
00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:16.559
It's really tricky to diagnose with kids, but it's really easy to treat.
00:09:16.799 --> 00:09:24.000
And from a kid's perspective, what they say is they have this incredible urge to move their legs, and it gets worse when they lie down.
00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:27.440
And another common reason is eczema.
00:09:27.600 --> 00:09:34.000
Children with very bad eczema that's poorly controlled, the itchiness can interfere with sleep.
00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:40.159
Now, before we finish up, let's take a moment and look at well, how much sleep does a toddler actually need?
00:09:40.559 --> 00:09:42.960
So let's start with one to two year olds.
00:09:43.279 --> 00:09:49.039
They need about 11 to 14 hours sleep a day, and this includes nap time sleep.
00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:56.879
Preschoolers, meaning three to five year olds, they need about 10 to 13 hours a day, again, including nap time.
00:09:57.279 --> 00:10:01.840
And then as kids get older, the sleep requirements go down a little bit.
00:10:02.080 --> 00:10:08.399
So school age children that's 6 to about 12 years old need 9 to 12 hours sleep a day.
00:10:08.720 --> 00:10:17.120
Insufficient sleep in children can lead to behavioral issues, impaired decision making, and difficulty in learning.
00:10:17.360 --> 00:10:32.000
Now, if you're feeling stumped by what to say to your child at bedtime, or even other challenging moments, take a look at our new resource, Words That Work, 200 scripts for all those tricky toddler moments.
00:10:32.240 --> 00:10:35.200
You'll find the link for this in the show notes.
00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:38.799
Have a wonderful week and keep up the good work!
