WEBVTT
00:00:04.719 --> 00:00:08.960
Here's what an exhausted mom told me at her three-year-old's physical.
00:00:09.439 --> 00:00:15.679
Katie shows up in my room and twirls my hair at one in the morning, and then usually again around three.
00:00:15.919 --> 00:00:20.399
At which point I'm just so tired to get up, so she just crawls into bed with me.
00:00:20.640 --> 00:00:21.440
She's four.
00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:25.760
She's a sweet, kind kid who just loves her baby sister.
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:30.239
Well, I've tried being kind, I've tried bribes, nothing really works.
00:00:30.399 --> 00:00:34.479
My husband is planning to just sleep in her room unless you can help us, Dr.
00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:35.359
Catherine.
00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:40.560
Well, we solved the problem with one stuffed animal and one big hearted strategy.
00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:46.240
And seriously, one week later, Katie was sleeping through the night, and I'm not exaggerating.
00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:49.280
And today I'm going to tell you exactly what we did.
00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:51.600
Welcome to Toddler's Made Easy.
00:00:51.759 --> 00:00:52.799
I'm your host, Dr.
00:00:52.880 --> 00:00:56.159
Catherine, and I'm so glad you found this episode.
00:00:56.399 --> 00:01:00.159
Before you ask, this is not a cry it out strategy.
00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:05.680
I believe kids are strong and capable, but crying it out is never necessary.
00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:08.959
There's always a smarter, better way that works.
00:01:09.200 --> 00:01:13.439
Now middle of the night wake ups in young kids are not a behavioral problem.
00:01:13.599 --> 00:01:14.719
They seem like they are.
00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:18.159
They're not a sign you've done something wrong or you need to be firmer.
00:01:18.400 --> 00:01:21.519
They're biologically and developmentally normal.
00:01:21.760 --> 00:01:25.920
When your child wakes up in the dark, everything looks and feels different.
00:01:26.159 --> 00:01:37.040
The shadows are different, the house is quiet in a very uncomfortable way, and your child doesn't yet have the internal tools to talk herself or himself down from that fear.
00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:41.519
So they do the most logical thing in the world, they come and find you.
00:01:41.760 --> 00:01:46.079
Many parents ask me, how do I get my kids to stop waking up?
00:01:46.319 --> 00:01:50.719
But waking up in the middle of the night is normal, and I'm going to explain what I mean.
00:01:51.040 --> 00:01:56.000
Sleep naturally cycles between light and deep states throughout the night.
00:01:56.079 --> 00:02:03.840
And when a child hits that light stage, many can't comfort themselves back to sleep, so they get up and look for you to help them.
00:02:04.079 --> 00:02:08.800
So the real question isn't how do I get my kids to stop waking up?
00:02:09.039 --> 00:02:16.800
The real question is how do I help my child manage those light sleep moments so they can fall back to sleep on their own.
00:02:17.039 --> 00:02:35.039
The strategy I'm sharing today gives kids a concrete job, one that's rooted in the fact that young children are naturally kind and caring, and this strategy eases their anxiety by giving them a sense of control and comfort, so falling back to sleep happens naturally.
00:02:35.680 --> 00:02:37.120
Let's get back to Katie.
00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:40.960
Katie, as I mentioned, is a deeply empathetic child.
00:02:41.199 --> 00:02:47.039
She shows it every day with her little sister, so I knew this strategy would be a perfect fit for her.
00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:49.680
But first let me introduce you to Cecil.
00:02:50.080 --> 00:02:51.840
Cecil is four years old.
00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:58.080
Now where Katie's challenges were specifically the middle of the night, Cecil's start much earlier.
00:02:58.400 --> 00:03:01.039
Cecil fights everything about bedtime.
00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:05.520
The moment his parents give a five minute warning, the resistance begins.
00:03:05.759 --> 00:03:09.759
Pajamas, teeth brushing, getting into bed, lights out.
00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:13.199
Every step is an exhausting negotiation.
00:03:13.680 --> 00:03:18.400
On the surface, Katie and Cecil look like completely different problems.
00:03:18.639 --> 00:03:22.560
One child is fine at bedtime but sneaks into your room at night.
00:03:22.800 --> 00:03:25.680
The other battles bedtime from the very start.
00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:27.919
But here's what they have in common.
00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:32.400
Both kids had difficulty falling asleep independently.
00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:35.439
For Katie, the dark felt uncomfortable.
00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:38.639
For Cecil, it was separation anxiety.
00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:44.800
But the solution that helped both of them was a strategy that I call the big hearted ask.
00:03:45.039 --> 00:03:46.400
I'm going to share it with you.
00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:52.560
I'm going to break it down into four steps and it's really easy and practical and works really well.
00:03:53.039 --> 00:03:56.240
Step one, introduce a new stuffed animal.
00:03:56.479 --> 00:04:01.039
So head to the store or find something that hasn't been part of their sleep routine.
00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:06.800
Ideally, a stuffed animal that looks a little sad or a little lonely, like it needs a friend.
00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:12.159
Crucially, you introduce it during the day when the mood is light, not at bedtime.
00:04:12.240 --> 00:04:15.199
So you say something like, Hey, I want you to meet Hippo.
00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:20.560
He sometimes gets a little scared at night because he misses his friends and family so much.
00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:23.040
Do you think you could help him feel better?
00:04:23.360 --> 00:04:24.959
So notice what just happened.
00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:28.480
Your child is no longer the scared one who needs rescuing.
00:04:28.720 --> 00:04:30.399
They're now the rescuer.
00:04:30.639 --> 00:04:31.839
They have a job.
00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:34.480
And kids take this very seriously.
00:04:34.639 --> 00:04:40.560
When you hand them a small, vulnerable creature who needs them, most kids will rise to the occasion.
00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:43.360
For Katie, this was almost a perfect fit.
00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:52.959
Here was a child who was already a big helper, and the moment her mum introduced the stuffed animal and asked if Katie could take care of it at night, Katie was in.
00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:56.480
She had someone who needed her, she didn't get out of bed again.
00:04:56.720 --> 00:04:59.759
Now for Cecil, the framing was slightly different.
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.240
This was a special job that he could do.
00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:06.000
No one else could take care of the animal the way Cecil could.
00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:13.360
The sense of importance spoke directly to him, as it does to any other child who feels sad at bedtime.
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:23.120
He understood exactly how Hippo was feeling, and it gave him ownership over something in the bedtime process, and that really changed things dramatically.
00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:25.040
Let's get to step two.
00:05:25.439 --> 00:05:29.279
Make tucking in the stuffed animal part of your bedtime routine.
00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:33.360
So right at the start of the window, have your child tuck the animal in.
00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:35.360
Let's go get Hippo cozy.
00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:38.560
He needs a hug and a good night kiss before he can sleep.
00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:40.079
He's just like you.
00:05:40.399 --> 00:05:42.000
This becomes a ritual.
00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:50.879
And again, rituals are deeply settling for children because they signal this is safe, this is familiar, I know what comes next.
00:05:51.120 --> 00:05:59.199
And beyond that, you're also rehearsing the exact comforting actions your child will reach for if they wake up in the night.
00:05:59.519 --> 00:06:04.480
The next step is to practice comforting hippo before the lights are out.
00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:09.040
So you can do this in the daytime or before you leave the room at night.
00:06:09.199 --> 00:06:10.639
Do a little role play.
00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:11.839
Let's practice.
00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:15.519
If hippo wakes up feeling scared tonight, what are you gonna do?
00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:19.680
Let them hug him, whisper to him, tell him a story.
00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:21.600
This is really powerful.
00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:25.920
You're scripting the 2 AM moment before it arrives.
00:06:26.079 --> 00:06:31.680
And when your child wakes up and feels that uncomfortable wave, there's already a path forward.
00:06:31.839 --> 00:06:34.160
They don't have to figure it out in the moment.
00:06:34.319 --> 00:06:36.319
They already know what to do.
00:06:36.639 --> 00:06:39.920
Now step four is the reminder as you leave the room.
00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:48.800
Not a lecture, just remember, if Hippo wakes up in the night, give him a hug and tell him everything is okay, and maybe a little story too.
00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:50.000
Love you, sweetheart.
00:06:50.160 --> 00:06:51.040
Good night.
00:06:51.360 --> 00:06:54.800
Once this strategy clicks, it tends to stick.
00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:58.000
Katie's mum messaged me after the first week.
00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:03.680
Three consecutive nights of sleeping through something that hasn't happened in months.
00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:11.199
On the nights Katie did wake up, she stayed in bed hugging her animal, and her mum could hear her talking softly to it from the other room.
00:07:11.439 --> 00:07:15.199
She didn't come to her mum's room at all anymore in the middle of the night.
00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:18.560
Cecil still had some bedtime resistance to work through.
00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:21.680
That's a bigger issue, and it didn't disappear overnight.
00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:30.959
But introducing the stuffed animal gave his parents a way into the routine that felt more like a collaboration instead of a fight.
00:07:31.360 --> 00:07:35.279
That shift in energy at bedtime, well that was half the battle.
00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:37.920
Cecil did stop getting up in the night.
00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:42.800
However, bedtime's still aware of a struggle and something that we continued to work on.
00:07:43.120 --> 00:07:53.040
But here was something really great that they weren't expecting, and that is that daycare stopped sending home messages about his behavior, or should I say, misbehavior.
00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:58.319
Now, if you try this strategy this week, I genuinely want to hear how it goes.
00:07:58.560 --> 00:08:00.560
What animal did your child choose?
00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:02.560
Did they take to it right away?
00:08:02.800 --> 00:08:04.319
Come find me and tell me.
00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:06.959
Those messages make my whole day.
00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:18.879
And if you're dealing with sleep or bedtime challenges that feel bigger than one strategy would solve, if you've been in the thick of it for a while and you're not sure what to do, I'd love to support you more.
00:08:19.120 --> 00:08:23.680
All the details of how you can find further support are in the show notes.
00:08:23.920 --> 00:08:27.519
Keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week.
00:00:04.719 --> 00:00:08.960
Here's what an exhausted mom told me at her three-year-old's physical.
00:00:09.439 --> 00:00:15.679
Katie shows up in my room and twirls my hair at one in the morning, and then usually again around three.
00:00:15.919 --> 00:00:20.399
At which point I'm just so tired to get up, so she just crawls into bed with me.
00:00:20.640 --> 00:00:21.440
She's four.
00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:25.760
She's a sweet, kind kid who just loves her baby sister.
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:30.239
Well, I've tried being kind, I've tried bribes, nothing really works.
00:00:30.399 --> 00:00:34.479
My husband is planning to just sleep in her room unless you can help us, Dr.
00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:35.359
Catherine.
00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:40.560
Well, we solved the problem with one stuffed animal and one big hearted strategy.
00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:46.240
And seriously, one week later, Katie was sleeping through the night, and I'm not exaggerating.
00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:49.280
And today I'm going to tell you exactly what we did.
00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:51.600
Welcome to Toddler's Made Easy.
00:00:51.759 --> 00:00:52.799
I'm your host, Dr.
00:00:52.880 --> 00:00:56.159
Catherine, and I'm so glad you found this episode.
00:00:56.399 --> 00:01:00.159
Before you ask, this is not a cry it out strategy.
00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:05.680
I believe kids are strong and capable, but crying it out is never necessary.
00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:08.959
There's always a smarter, better way that works.
00:01:09.200 --> 00:01:13.439
Now middle of the night wake ups in young kids are not a behavioral problem.
00:01:13.599 --> 00:01:14.719
They seem like they are.
00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:18.159
They're not a sign you've done something wrong or you need to be firmer.
00:01:18.400 --> 00:01:21.519
They're biologically and developmentally normal.
00:01:21.760 --> 00:01:25.920
When your child wakes up in the dark, everything looks and feels different.
00:01:26.159 --> 00:01:37.040
The shadows are different, the house is quiet in a very uncomfortable way, and your child doesn't yet have the internal tools to talk herself or himself down from that fear.
00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:41.519
So they do the most logical thing in the world, they come and find you.
00:01:41.760 --> 00:01:46.079
Many parents ask me, how do I get my kids to stop waking up?
00:01:46.319 --> 00:01:50.719
But waking up in the middle of the night is normal, and I'm going to explain what I mean.
00:01:51.040 --> 00:01:56.000
Sleep naturally cycles between light and deep states throughout the night.
00:01:56.079 --> 00:02:03.840
And when a child hits that light stage, many can't comfort themselves back to sleep, so they get up and look for you to help them.
00:02:04.079 --> 00:02:08.800
So the real question isn't how do I get my kids to stop waking up?
00:02:09.039 --> 00:02:16.800
The real question is how do I help my child manage those light sleep moments so they can fall back to sleep on their own.
00:02:17.039 --> 00:02:35.039
The strategy I'm sharing today gives kids a concrete job, one that's rooted in the fact that young children are naturally kind and caring, and this strategy eases their anxiety by giving them a sense of control and comfort, so falling back to sleep happens naturally.
00:02:35.680 --> 00:02:37.120
Let's get back to Katie.
00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:40.960
Katie, as I mentioned, is a deeply empathetic child.
00:02:41.199 --> 00:02:47.039
She shows it every day with her little sister, so I knew this strategy would be a perfect fit for her.
00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:49.680
But first let me introduce you to Cecil.
00:02:50.080 --> 00:02:51.840
Cecil is four years old.
00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:58.080
Now where Katie's challenges were specifically the middle of the night, Cecil's start much earlier.
00:02:58.400 --> 00:03:01.039
Cecil fights everything about bedtime.
00:03:01.280 --> 00:03:05.520
The moment his parents give a five minute warning, the resistance begins.
00:03:05.759 --> 00:03:09.759
Pajamas, teeth brushing, getting into bed, lights out.
00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:13.199
Every step is an exhausting negotiation.
00:03:13.680 --> 00:03:18.400
On the surface, Katie and Cecil look like completely different problems.
00:03:18.639 --> 00:03:22.560
One child is fine at bedtime but sneaks into your room at night.
00:03:22.800 --> 00:03:25.680
The other battles bedtime from the very start.
00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:27.919
But here's what they have in common.
00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:32.400
Both kids had difficulty falling asleep independently.
00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:35.439
For Katie, the dark felt uncomfortable.
00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:38.639
For Cecil, it was separation anxiety.
00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:44.800
But the solution that helped both of them was a strategy that I call the big hearted ask.
00:03:45.039 --> 00:03:46.400
I'm going to share it with you.
00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:52.560
I'm going to break it down into four steps and it's really easy and practical and works really well.
00:03:53.039 --> 00:03:56.240
Step one, introduce a new stuffed animal.
00:03:56.479 --> 00:04:01.039
So head to the store or find something that hasn't been part of their sleep routine.
00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:06.800
Ideally, a stuffed animal that looks a little sad or a little lonely, like it needs a friend.
00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:12.159
Crucially, you introduce it during the day when the mood is light, not at bedtime.
00:04:12.240 --> 00:04:15.199
So you say something like, Hey, I want you to meet Hippo.
00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:20.560
He sometimes gets a little scared at night because he misses his friends and family so much.
00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:23.040
Do you think you could help him feel better?
00:04:23.360 --> 00:04:24.959
So notice what just happened.
00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:28.480
Your child is no longer the scared one who needs rescuing.
00:04:28.720 --> 00:04:30.399
They're now the rescuer.
00:04:30.639 --> 00:04:31.839
They have a job.
00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:34.480
And kids take this very seriously.
00:04:34.639 --> 00:04:40.560
When you hand them a small, vulnerable creature who needs them, most kids will rise to the occasion.
00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:43.360
For Katie, this was almost a perfect fit.
00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:52.959
Here was a child who was already a big helper, and the moment her mum introduced the stuffed animal and asked if Katie could take care of it at night, Katie was in.
00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:56.480
She had someone who needed her, she didn't get out of bed again.
00:04:56.720 --> 00:04:59.759
Now for Cecil, the framing was slightly different.
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.240
This was a special job that he could do.
00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:06.000
No one else could take care of the animal the way Cecil could.
00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:13.360
The sense of importance spoke directly to him, as it does to any other child who feels sad at bedtime.
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:23.120
He understood exactly how Hippo was feeling, and it gave him ownership over something in the bedtime process, and that really changed things dramatically.
00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:25.040
Let's get to step two.
00:05:25.439 --> 00:05:29.279
Make tucking in the stuffed animal part of your bedtime routine.
00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:33.360
So right at the start of the window, have your child tuck the animal in.
00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:35.360
Let's go get Hippo cozy.
00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:38.560
He needs a hug and a good night kiss before he can sleep.
00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:40.079
He's just like you.
00:05:40.399 --> 00:05:42.000
This becomes a ritual.
00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:50.879
And again, rituals are deeply settling for children because they signal this is safe, this is familiar, I know what comes next.
00:05:51.120 --> 00:05:59.199
And beyond that, you're also rehearsing the exact comforting actions your child will reach for if they wake up in the night.
00:05:59.519 --> 00:06:04.480
The next step is to practice comforting hippo before the lights are out.
00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:09.040
So you can do this in the daytime or before you leave the room at night.
00:06:09.199 --> 00:06:10.639
Do a little role play.
00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:11.839
Let's practice.
00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:15.519
If hippo wakes up feeling scared tonight, what are you gonna do?
00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:19.680
Let them hug him, whisper to him, tell him a story.
00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:21.600
This is really powerful.
00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:25.920
You're scripting the 2 AM moment before it arrives.
00:06:26.079 --> 00:06:31.680
And when your child wakes up and feels that uncomfortable wave, there's already a path forward.
00:06:31.839 --> 00:06:34.160
They don't have to figure it out in the moment.
00:06:34.319 --> 00:06:36.319
They already know what to do.
00:06:36.639 --> 00:06:39.920
Now step four is the reminder as you leave the room.
00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:48.800
Not a lecture, just remember, if Hippo wakes up in the night, give him a hug and tell him everything is okay, and maybe a little story too.
00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:50.000
Love you, sweetheart.
00:06:50.160 --> 00:06:51.040
Good night.
00:06:51.360 --> 00:06:54.800
Once this strategy clicks, it tends to stick.
00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:58.000
Katie's mum messaged me after the first week.
00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:03.680
Three consecutive nights of sleeping through something that hasn't happened in months.
00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:11.199
On the nights Katie did wake up, she stayed in bed hugging her animal, and her mum could hear her talking softly to it from the other room.
00:07:11.439 --> 00:07:15.199
She didn't come to her mum's room at all anymore in the middle of the night.
00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:18.560
Cecil still had some bedtime resistance to work through.
00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:21.680
That's a bigger issue, and it didn't disappear overnight.
00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:30.959
But introducing the stuffed animal gave his parents a way into the routine that felt more like a collaboration instead of a fight.
00:07:31.360 --> 00:07:35.279
That shift in energy at bedtime, well that was half the battle.
00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:37.920
Cecil did stop getting up in the night.
00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:42.800
However, bedtime's still aware of a struggle and something that we continued to work on.
00:07:43.120 --> 00:07:53.040
But here was something really great that they weren't expecting, and that is that daycare stopped sending home messages about his behavior, or should I say, misbehavior.
00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:58.319
Now, if you try this strategy this week, I genuinely want to hear how it goes.
00:07:58.560 --> 00:08:00.560
What animal did your child choose?
00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:02.560
Did they take to it right away?
00:08:02.800 --> 00:08:04.319
Come find me and tell me.
00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:06.959
Those messages make my whole day.
00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:18.879
And if you're dealing with sleep or bedtime challenges that feel bigger than one strategy would solve, if you've been in the thick of it for a while and you're not sure what to do, I'd love to support you more.
00:08:19.120 --> 00:08:23.680
All the details of how you can find further support are in the show notes.
00:08:23.920 --> 00:08:27.519
Keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week.
