WEBVTT
00:00:04.959 --> 00:00:08.080
You ask your little one to poop on the potty.
00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:12.240
He pees on the potty so you don't really get why he won't poop on it.
00:00:12.480 --> 00:00:15.039
He politely says, no thank you, potty.
00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:21.600
And then he goes and hides behind the couch, poops in the diaper, and comes back as if nothing's happened.
00:00:21.839 --> 00:00:25.519
And now you're negotiating every single day.
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:29.760
If this is your life right now, this episode is for you.
00:00:30.079 --> 00:00:32.560
Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy.
00:00:32.799 --> 00:00:33.439
I'm Dr.
00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:35.359
Catherine, your host.
00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:37.359
Here's the first thing.
00:00:37.679 --> 00:00:41.520
This dynamic is not a sign that you've done something wrong.
00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:45.759
It's not a sign that your child wasn't ready to start potty training.
00:00:45.920 --> 00:00:53.520
And this is one of the most common hiccups in potty training, and it's absolutely something you can get through.
00:00:53.759 --> 00:00:56.560
It's one form of potty refusal.
00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:04.319
And you know, about 20 to 25% of little kids go through some form of potty refusal during potty training.
00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:08.480
So if it feels like you're failing, truly you're not.
00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:13.200
You're just in a really common, really exhausting chapter.
00:01:13.359 --> 00:01:16.000
And today we're going to help you reverse it.
00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:19.120
First, understand what's actually happening.
00:01:19.439 --> 00:01:26.640
Realistically, your child is not going to walk up to you one day and say, Hey mom, I think I'm ready to poop on the potty now.
00:01:26.799 --> 00:01:28.400
That's not how it works.
00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:30.959
They need you to take that first step.
00:01:31.120 --> 00:01:32.799
They need you to lead.
00:01:33.040 --> 00:01:39.439
And the most important thing to understand, wanting to poop in a diaper is really just a symptom.
00:01:39.599 --> 00:01:41.519
It's not the root of the problem.
00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:49.120
And our job, before really you can do anything else, is to try and figure out why that's their priority.
00:01:49.359 --> 00:01:53.680
So why do kids resist using the potty or toilet to poop in?
00:01:54.000 --> 00:02:00.719
Well, almost always it comes down to one of three things fear, anxiety, or discomfort.
00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:07.920
Sometimes it's the sound of the flush, it's loud, it's startling, and some kids are genuinely scared of it.
00:02:08.159 --> 00:02:10.000
Sometimes it's just a bad memory.
00:02:10.240 --> 00:02:15.039
Maybe they had a painful poop on the toilet once and their body hasn't forgotten.
00:02:15.280 --> 00:02:19.199
And sometimes it's that the toilet just feels unstable.
00:02:19.439 --> 00:02:23.919
The seat is big, the child is small, and they don't feel secure.
00:02:24.159 --> 00:02:26.080
Sometimes it's even simpler than that.
00:02:26.159 --> 00:02:27.759
They just want some privacy.
00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:32.719
They've always pooped in a corner somewhere, and the bathroom feels too exposed.
00:02:32.960 --> 00:02:38.000
And sometimes, actually more often than you think, the fear is about discomfort.
00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:41.120
They've passed a hard bowel movement that hurt.
00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:50.159
And if it happened once, your child's nervous system has filed it away that pooping means pain, and diapers are safe.
00:02:50.479 --> 00:03:01.520
Now, it's seldom willfulness or stubbornness, it's more often some form of fear, fear of discomfort, fear of the flesh, some form of fear.
00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:04.479
So talk to your child gently.
00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:06.080
Ask some questions.
00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:11.199
See if you can tease out what's driving it for them specifically.
00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:14.879
Because the answers help shape what we do next.
00:03:15.120 --> 00:03:20.800
However, honestly, most kids aren't going to be able to recognize what they're afraid of.
00:03:21.039 --> 00:03:22.879
They're just feeling it.
00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:28.719
So let's talk about how to manage fears in general and what not to do.
00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:34.960
So what doesn't work is trying to use logic to reverse your child's thoughts and feelings.
00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:36.960
The toilet won't hurt you.
00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:38.879
There's nothing to be scared of.
00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:40.560
You're a big kid now.
00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:43.759
None of those are going to help your child move forward.
00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:49.840
I get it, it feels helpful, but you can't logic a little kid out of fear.
00:03:50.080 --> 00:03:55.680
And when we minimize what they're feeling, they don't feel reassured, they just feel alone.
00:03:56.000 --> 00:03:57.919
So instead, start here.
00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:02.159
Say, I understand you're uncomfortable with pooping on the toilet.
00:04:02.319 --> 00:04:04.000
You like pooping in your diaper.
00:04:04.159 --> 00:04:06.080
That feels comfortable and safe to you.
00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:07.680
I understand, sweetheart.
00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:08.639
And that's it.
00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:10.000
That's the whole move.
00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:18.879
You're not agreeing that the toilet is scary, you're agreeing that their feelings are real, and that puts you on the same team.
00:04:19.199 --> 00:04:22.319
Now from there, you can start doing the work.
00:04:22.639 --> 00:04:27.839
Share stories about your own fears, things you were scared of and got through.
00:04:28.079 --> 00:04:35.279
Tell your child we all have fears, and learning to overcome them, that's what makes us strong and brave.
00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:37.600
Little kids need to hear that.
00:04:37.920 --> 00:04:40.480
Also name the feeling to tame it.
00:04:40.639 --> 00:04:42.800
You're feeling nervous about this.
00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:53.279
There's actually real solid research behind that phrase about naming the feeling to tame it, because naming an emotion helps kids regulate it.
00:04:53.600 --> 00:04:55.519
Pretend play helps too.
00:04:55.759 --> 00:04:58.079
Let the stuffed animal use the potty.
00:04:58.319 --> 00:05:04.160
That's how you help desensitize the whole experience in a way that feels safe.
00:05:04.480 --> 00:05:07.279
Now let's make the potty less scary.
00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:08.800
That's the first step.
00:05:09.040 --> 00:05:17.120
Before you ask your child to do anything on it, make the potty or the toilet a place your child actually appreciates.
00:05:17.439 --> 00:05:20.800
I call this making friends with the potty or toilet.
00:05:20.959 --> 00:05:30.000
Now if you're using a toilet, you need two things an insert so the seat fits their body, and a stool so their feet are flat and supported.
00:05:30.319 --> 00:05:33.519
Kids can't relax when their legs are dangling.
00:05:33.920 --> 00:05:38.639
Now if you're using a little potty, let them decorate it, stickers, make it theirs.
00:05:38.959 --> 00:05:41.279
Get stickers for something that they love.
00:05:41.600 --> 00:05:50.639
Put together a potty toy box of special toys that only come out during potty time, with little books, little figures, something they love in it.
00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:54.079
And that box helps create a reason to sit.
00:05:54.480 --> 00:05:57.279
Now if the flush is the issue, don't force it.
00:05:57.439 --> 00:06:01.040
Start with your child standing at the door, and then you flush.
00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:05.439
Then the next day ask them to take one step closer, and then you flush.
00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:12.319
And bit by bit you're teaching your child's nervous system that the flush is survivable, they can do it.
00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:14.240
And here's something I love.
00:06:14.560 --> 00:06:19.920
Set up both a little potty and the toilet and let your child choose.
00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:24.879
Before asking them to go use the potty, it would be potty or toilet.
00:06:25.120 --> 00:06:32.399
Giving them that choice hands back some control, and control matters so much at this age and with this problem.
00:06:33.360 --> 00:06:36.879
Next comes getting kids to actually sit on the toilet.
00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:39.600
Many parents ask me, I don't get it.
00:06:39.839 --> 00:06:42.240
My child sits on the potty to pee.
00:06:42.399 --> 00:06:44.079
Why won't he poop on it?
00:06:44.319 --> 00:06:50.240
But if you've ever noticed, most kids who are sitting on the potty to pee, they sit, pee, pop up.
00:06:50.319 --> 00:06:52.560
It's over in a minute or two at most.
00:06:52.800 --> 00:06:54.560
But pooping takes longer.
00:06:54.800 --> 00:07:00.639
So we need to build up your child's comfort level just sitting on the potty for a longer time.
00:07:00.879 --> 00:07:02.959
Just think of the potty as a chair.
00:07:03.199 --> 00:07:06.560
Sit with them, read a book, make it low pressure.
00:07:06.720 --> 00:07:08.480
They can be completely dressed.
00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:13.279
What we're not doing is waiting for them to poop or use it as a potty.
00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:16.480
You're just practicing sitting as step one.
00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:19.439
They can even start with all their clothes on.
00:07:19.680 --> 00:07:29.519
Now, while you're doing this, this period of getting them to be comfortable just sitting on the potty, I'd also simultaneously work on softening their stools.
00:07:29.759 --> 00:07:35.759
This is really a big part of solving this problem, and it's more important than you probably think.
00:07:35.920 --> 00:07:45.360
You see, a softer stool is easier to pass, and easier to pass means less fear, and less fear means less resistance.
00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:49.279
So focus on a high fiber diet and lots of water.
00:07:49.519 --> 00:07:54.879
Consider the pea foods as your best friend, pears, peaches, plums, prunes.
00:07:55.040 --> 00:08:02.879
In fact, just prune juice alone works really well if you give your child some every morning until their stools are soft.
00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:10.319
You can also crush up some bran into their favorite cereal and top the cereal with some blueberries and give them a glass of water.
00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:12.800
Those will work together nicely.
00:08:13.040 --> 00:08:16.319
These are small changes that make a big difference.
00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:20.560
One more thing for the bathroom is keep some blowing toys in there.
00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:23.199
So a potty blower, a pinwheel.
00:08:23.439 --> 00:08:31.360
When kids blow, they relax the pelvic floor muscles, and those are the muscles they need to relax to release poop.
00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:34.720
It sounds really silly, but it works.
00:08:35.039 --> 00:08:50.320
Actually once my son-in-law was trying to get his daughter to poop on the potty, and they didn't have any toys nearby, and I had told them about blowing, and so he had his daughter try and blow her mother's hair, and it worked.
00:08:50.639 --> 00:08:56.720
Now the next step is to move your kids towards pooping in the potty in tiny steps.
00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:15.279
Some kids, once the fear is lower and the sitting on the potty feels more comfortable, they'll just poop on the potty, and you'll quietly jump up and down, and it's important to keep your response positive but low key, like a simple high five, good job, so your child doesn't feel super pressured.
00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:18.000
But other kids need a little more encouragement.
00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:22.000
And for those kids, I want you to think of baby steps.
00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:26.639
Each day, one small step brings them closer to the potty.
00:09:27.039 --> 00:09:32.799
I love the story of a family I worked with, and their son was obsessed with this one truck he had.
00:09:32.960 --> 00:09:37.600
So they created a game and they asked their child to poop where the truck is.
00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:44.559
So he'd be in his diaper, and they started the truck where he tends to poop every day, which was by the couch.
00:09:44.720 --> 00:09:50.320
And then day by day they moved the truck closer and closer to the potty.
00:09:50.639 --> 00:09:53.519
So day one the truck was in his usual corner.
00:09:53.759 --> 00:09:58.480
Day two it was a little closer to the bathroom, and each day they moved it.
00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:07.759
Ten days later the truck was sitting in the potty, and he walked over, they took the truck out, he sat down, and he went and pooped there.
00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:10.960
Now you know your child and you know what they love.
00:10:11.120 --> 00:10:14.480
Let's use what they love as part of this game.
00:10:14.720 --> 00:10:19.440
To make it simple, you can also do the exact same thing with sticky notes on the floor.
00:10:19.600 --> 00:10:22.000
I had one family that wrote a little riddle.
00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:33.679
Their child was really into riddles, so every day they wrote a sticky note with the riddle, and they moved it one step closer and closer and closer to the potty until he was right by the potty.
00:10:34.399 --> 00:10:42.720
Making this movement towards the potty a game, it helps take the pressure off, which makes the transition possible.
00:10:43.200 --> 00:10:46.639
But let's say you do all of this and your child still refuse.
00:10:47.039 --> 00:10:54.720
Well that's a whole other episode, and I am going to record one because sometimes there's more going on and you need a different set of tools.
00:10:54.879 --> 00:10:58.000
So stay tuned for that one if you're in that situation.
00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:10.080
But for most families, the approach I've just walked you through, it takes patience, it takes time, it takes keeping things low pressure, and it takes trusting your child that you will get there.
00:11:10.240 --> 00:11:12.159
And your child will get there.
00:11:12.559 --> 00:11:20.879
Now, if you want to go deeper on this, I do have a little mini course that covers all of this and more, and the link is in the show notes.
00:11:21.039 --> 00:11:24.159
It's called Help, My Child Will Only Poop in a Diaper.
00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:26.879
So go check it out if this resonates with you.
00:11:27.120 --> 00:11:38.240
And if this episode helped you, share it with another parent who's hiding in their bathroom wondering what they did wrong, because now they'll know they've done nothing wrong whatsoever.
00:11:38.480 --> 00:11:42.000
So keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week.
00:00:04.959 --> 00:00:08.080
You ask your little one to poop on the potty.
00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:12.240
He pees on the potty so you don't really get why he won't poop on it.
00:00:12.480 --> 00:00:15.039
He politely says, no thank you, potty.
00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:21.600
And then he goes and hides behind the couch, poops in the diaper, and comes back as if nothing's happened.
00:00:21.839 --> 00:00:25.519
And now you're negotiating every single day.
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:29.760
If this is your life right now, this episode is for you.
00:00:30.079 --> 00:00:32.560
Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy.
00:00:32.799 --> 00:00:33.439
I'm Dr.
00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:35.359
Catherine, your host.
00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:37.359
Here's the first thing.
00:00:37.679 --> 00:00:41.520
This dynamic is not a sign that you've done something wrong.
00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:45.759
It's not a sign that your child wasn't ready to start potty training.
00:00:45.920 --> 00:00:53.520
And this is one of the most common hiccups in potty training, and it's absolutely something you can get through.
00:00:53.759 --> 00:00:56.560
It's one form of potty refusal.
00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:04.319
And you know, about 20 to 25% of little kids go through some form of potty refusal during potty training.
00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:08.480
So if it feels like you're failing, truly you're not.
00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:13.200
You're just in a really common, really exhausting chapter.
00:01:13.359 --> 00:01:16.000
And today we're going to help you reverse it.
00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:19.120
First, understand what's actually happening.
00:01:19.439 --> 00:01:26.640
Realistically, your child is not going to walk up to you one day and say, Hey mom, I think I'm ready to poop on the potty now.
00:01:26.799 --> 00:01:28.400
That's not how it works.
00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:30.959
They need you to take that first step.
00:01:31.120 --> 00:01:32.799
They need you to lead.
00:01:33.040 --> 00:01:39.439
And the most important thing to understand, wanting to poop in a diaper is really just a symptom.
00:01:39.599 --> 00:01:41.519
It's not the root of the problem.
00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:49.120
And our job, before really you can do anything else, is to try and figure out why that's their priority.
00:01:49.359 --> 00:01:53.680
So why do kids resist using the potty or toilet to poop in?
00:01:54.000 --> 00:02:00.719
Well, almost always it comes down to one of three things fear, anxiety, or discomfort.
00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:07.920
Sometimes it's the sound of the flush, it's loud, it's startling, and some kids are genuinely scared of it.
00:02:08.159 --> 00:02:10.000
Sometimes it's just a bad memory.
00:02:10.240 --> 00:02:15.039
Maybe they had a painful poop on the toilet once and their body hasn't forgotten.
00:02:15.280 --> 00:02:19.199
And sometimes it's that the toilet just feels unstable.
00:02:19.439 --> 00:02:23.919
The seat is big, the child is small, and they don't feel secure.
00:02:24.159 --> 00:02:26.080
Sometimes it's even simpler than that.
00:02:26.159 --> 00:02:27.759
They just want some privacy.
00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:32.719
They've always pooped in a corner somewhere, and the bathroom feels too exposed.
00:02:32.960 --> 00:02:38.000
And sometimes, actually more often than you think, the fear is about discomfort.
00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:41.120
They've passed a hard bowel movement that hurt.
00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:50.159
And if it happened once, your child's nervous system has filed it away that pooping means pain, and diapers are safe.
00:02:50.479 --> 00:03:01.520
Now, it's seldom willfulness or stubbornness, it's more often some form of fear, fear of discomfort, fear of the flesh, some form of fear.
00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:04.479
So talk to your child gently.
00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:06.080
Ask some questions.
00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:11.199
See if you can tease out what's driving it for them specifically.
00:03:11.599 --> 00:03:14.879
Because the answers help shape what we do next.
00:03:15.120 --> 00:03:20.800
However, honestly, most kids aren't going to be able to recognize what they're afraid of.
00:03:21.039 --> 00:03:22.879
They're just feeling it.
00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:28.719
So let's talk about how to manage fears in general and what not to do.
00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:34.960
So what doesn't work is trying to use logic to reverse your child's thoughts and feelings.
00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:36.960
The toilet won't hurt you.
00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:38.879
There's nothing to be scared of.
00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:40.560
You're a big kid now.
00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:43.759
None of those are going to help your child move forward.
00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:49.840
I get it, it feels helpful, but you can't logic a little kid out of fear.
00:03:50.080 --> 00:03:55.680
And when we minimize what they're feeling, they don't feel reassured, they just feel alone.
00:03:56.000 --> 00:03:57.919
So instead, start here.
00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:02.159
Say, I understand you're uncomfortable with pooping on the toilet.
00:04:02.319 --> 00:04:04.000
You like pooping in your diaper.
00:04:04.159 --> 00:04:06.080
That feels comfortable and safe to you.
00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:07.680
I understand, sweetheart.
00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:08.639
And that's it.
00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:10.000
That's the whole move.
00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:18.879
You're not agreeing that the toilet is scary, you're agreeing that their feelings are real, and that puts you on the same team.
00:04:19.199 --> 00:04:22.319
Now from there, you can start doing the work.
00:04:22.639 --> 00:04:27.839
Share stories about your own fears, things you were scared of and got through.
00:04:28.079 --> 00:04:35.279
Tell your child we all have fears, and learning to overcome them, that's what makes us strong and brave.
00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:37.600
Little kids need to hear that.
00:04:37.920 --> 00:04:40.480
Also name the feeling to tame it.
00:04:40.639 --> 00:04:42.800
You're feeling nervous about this.
00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:53.279
There's actually real solid research behind that phrase about naming the feeling to tame it, because naming an emotion helps kids regulate it.
00:04:53.600 --> 00:04:55.519
Pretend play helps too.
00:04:55.759 --> 00:04:58.079
Let the stuffed animal use the potty.
00:04:58.319 --> 00:05:04.160
That's how you help desensitize the whole experience in a way that feels safe.
00:05:04.480 --> 00:05:07.279
Now let's make the potty less scary.
00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:08.800
That's the first step.
00:05:09.040 --> 00:05:17.120
Before you ask your child to do anything on it, make the potty or the toilet a place your child actually appreciates.
00:05:17.439 --> 00:05:20.800
I call this making friends with the potty or toilet.
00:05:20.959 --> 00:05:30.000
Now if you're using a toilet, you need two things an insert so the seat fits their body, and a stool so their feet are flat and supported.
00:05:30.319 --> 00:05:33.519
Kids can't relax when their legs are dangling.
00:05:33.920 --> 00:05:38.639
Now if you're using a little potty, let them decorate it, stickers, make it theirs.
00:05:38.959 --> 00:05:41.279
Get stickers for something that they love.
00:05:41.600 --> 00:05:50.639
Put together a potty toy box of special toys that only come out during potty time, with little books, little figures, something they love in it.
00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:54.079
And that box helps create a reason to sit.
00:05:54.480 --> 00:05:57.279
Now if the flush is the issue, don't force it.
00:05:57.439 --> 00:06:01.040
Start with your child standing at the door, and then you flush.
00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:05.439
Then the next day ask them to take one step closer, and then you flush.
00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:12.319
And bit by bit you're teaching your child's nervous system that the flush is survivable, they can do it.
00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:14.240
And here's something I love.
00:06:14.560 --> 00:06:19.920
Set up both a little potty and the toilet and let your child choose.
00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:24.879
Before asking them to go use the potty, it would be potty or toilet.
00:06:25.120 --> 00:06:32.399
Giving them that choice hands back some control, and control matters so much at this age and with this problem.
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Next comes getting kids to actually sit on the toilet.
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Many parents ask me, I don't get it.
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My child sits on the potty to pee.
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Why won't he poop on it?
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But if you've ever noticed, most kids who are sitting on the potty to pee, they sit, pee, pop up.
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It's over in a minute or two at most.
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But pooping takes longer.
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So we need to build up your child's comfort level just sitting on the potty for a longer time.
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Just think of the potty as a chair.
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Sit with them, read a book, make it low pressure.
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They can be completely dressed.
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What we're not doing is waiting for them to poop or use it as a potty.
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You're just practicing sitting as step one.
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They can even start with all their clothes on.
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Now, while you're doing this, this period of getting them to be comfortable just sitting on the potty, I'd also simultaneously work on softening their stools.
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This is really a big part of solving this problem, and it's more important than you probably think.
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You see, a softer stool is easier to pass, and easier to pass means less fear, and less fear means less resistance.
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So focus on a high fiber diet and lots of water.
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Consider the pea foods as your best friend, pears, peaches, plums, prunes.
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In fact, just prune juice alone works really well if you give your child some every morning until their stools are soft.
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You can also crush up some bran into their favorite cereal and top the cereal with some blueberries and give them a glass of water.
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Those will work together nicely.
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These are small changes that make a big difference.
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One more thing for the bathroom is keep some blowing toys in there.
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So a potty blower, a pinwheel.
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When kids blow, they relax the pelvic floor muscles, and those are the muscles they need to relax to release poop.
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It sounds really silly, but it works.
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Actually once my son-in-law was trying to get his daughter to poop on the potty, and they didn't have any toys nearby, and I had told them about blowing, and so he had his daughter try and blow her mother's hair, and it worked.
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Now the next step is to move your kids towards pooping in the potty in tiny steps.
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Some kids, once the fear is lower and the sitting on the potty feels more comfortable, they'll just poop on the potty, and you'll quietly jump up and down, and it's important to keep your response positive but low key, like a simple high five, good job, so your child doesn't feel super pressured.
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But other kids need a little more encouragement.
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And for those kids, I want you to think of baby steps.
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Each day, one small step brings them closer to the potty.
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I love the story of a family I worked with, and their son was obsessed with this one truck he had.
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So they created a game and they asked their child to poop where the truck is.
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So he'd be in his diaper, and they started the truck where he tends to poop every day, which was by the couch.
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And then day by day they moved the truck closer and closer to the potty.
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So day one the truck was in his usual corner.
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Day two it was a little closer to the bathroom, and each day they moved it.
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Ten days later the truck was sitting in the potty, and he walked over, they took the truck out, he sat down, and he went and pooped there.
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Now you know your child and you know what they love.
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Let's use what they love as part of this game.
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To make it simple, you can also do the exact same thing with sticky notes on the floor.
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I had one family that wrote a little riddle.
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Their child was really into riddles, so every day they wrote a sticky note with the riddle, and they moved it one step closer and closer and closer to the potty until he was right by the potty.
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Making this movement towards the potty a game, it helps take the pressure off, which makes the transition possible.
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But let's say you do all of this and your child still refuse.
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Well that's a whole other episode, and I am going to record one because sometimes there's more going on and you need a different set of tools.
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So stay tuned for that one if you're in that situation.
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But for most families, the approach I've just walked you through, it takes patience, it takes time, it takes keeping things low pressure, and it takes trusting your child that you will get there.
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And your child will get there.
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Now, if you want to go deeper on this, I do have a little mini course that covers all of this and more, and the link is in the show notes.
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It's called Help, My Child Will Only Poop in a Diaper.
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So go check it out if this resonates with you.
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And if this episode helped you, share it with another parent who's hiding in their bathroom wondering what they did wrong, because now they'll know they've done nothing wrong whatsoever.
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So keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week.
