WEBVTT
00:00:04.639 --> 00:00:06.160
You did everything right.
00:00:06.320 --> 00:00:07.519
You stayed calm.
00:00:07.679 --> 00:00:08.800
You made it fun.
00:00:08.960 --> 00:00:11.119
You turned the potty into a spaceship.
00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:16.480
And your son sat on that cool potty, but then he stood up and peed on the floor.
00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:19.039
And he'd done the same thing an hour earlier.
00:00:19.199 --> 00:00:22.640
And now you're not just frustrated, you're questioning everything.
00:00:22.879 --> 00:00:24.239
Why won't he listen?
00:00:24.320 --> 00:00:25.839
What's wrong with my child?
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:26.960
What's wrong with me?
00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:28.719
Am I doing something wrong?
00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:31.039
You thought, maybe he isn't ready.
00:00:31.199 --> 00:00:35.840
So you just stopped potty training and decided you'd try again in a month or so.
00:00:36.079 --> 00:00:46.479
Now it's a few months later, you know you need to start again, but you really don't want to go through it again, and you're not sure what to do differently to avoid the same problem all over again.
00:00:46.719 --> 00:00:53.520
Now, if that's you, if you're stuck in this stop and start and stop and start loop, this episode is for you.
00:00:53.759 --> 00:00:55.920
Welcome to toddlers made easy.
00:00:56.079 --> 00:00:56.640
I'm Dr.
00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:08.400
Catherine, your host, and today we're talking about what's actually going on in these potty battles and how to get to a place where your child just goes pee on the potty without a fight.
00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:11.599
First, let's reframe what happened.
00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:18.319
Most parents quietly consider a first attempt a failure, but really it's just information.
00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:22.879
You learned that that approach you used, it just wasn't right for your child.
00:01:23.200 --> 00:01:24.719
And that's not a failure.
00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:29.840
That's the most useful thing you could know right now before doing a restart.
00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:34.560
Now the child in this story didn't resist because he couldn't do it.
00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:38.799
He resisted because something about the process just didn't feel okay.
00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:42.400
And when kids feel pressure, they push back.
00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:54.079
Because you see, at this stage of development, they need to feel in control of something, like let's say when your child refuses to eat vegetables, or in this case, refuses to sit and use the potty.
00:01:54.640 --> 00:01:59.359
Another consideration is that your child is still having trouble connecting the dots.
00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:03.439
For instance, let's say your child's playing and he pees in his pants.
00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:09.120
Well, many parents would think, oh, he's just being lazy, or he didn't want to stop playing.
00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:20.000
But another thing to consider is maybe your child hasn't figured out yet how much time he has from when he gets that feeling to when he needs to go sit on the potty.
00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:21.599
That takes some time.
00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:25.039
Those are one of the little nuances that we need to consider.
00:02:25.439 --> 00:02:29.439
So your child waited too long and ended up peeing in his pants.
00:02:29.680 --> 00:02:36.479
So let me show you a simple way to restart where potty battles are less likely to reoccur.
00:02:36.719 --> 00:02:44.159
I'm gonna give you a true story about a little guy named Kyle, who I knew from my office, and he was really stuck in the start-stop loop.
00:02:44.319 --> 00:02:51.280
His parents had started and stopped several times already now, and they really did not want to keep going in this loop.
00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:52.879
They wanted a way out.
00:02:53.360 --> 00:02:55.919
So Kyle was interested in potty training.
00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:58.400
He showed an interest himself at age two.
00:02:58.560 --> 00:02:59.919
So his mum went with it.
00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:04.560
She gave him prompts every hour, potty toys, the cutest potty ever.
00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:06.080
She did the works.
00:03:06.240 --> 00:03:15.039
Well, he peed on the floor five times every day, and he cried each time, and he refused to sit when prompted, and this went on for days on end.
00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:18.639
So his parents finally decided he wasn't ready and they stopped.
00:03:18.879 --> 00:03:26.560
Now months later, they decided to try again, and the problem was the exact same thing happened all over again, and they stopped again.
00:03:26.800 --> 00:03:30.319
And this brings us up to the time now where Kyle is three years old.
00:03:30.560 --> 00:03:35.120
His mum came to me really worried that she'd miss the window of opportunity.
00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:41.360
She put potty training on hold two times already, and she knows she didn't want to go through that again.
00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:45.680
I want to try again, she told me, but I'm scared I've already messed up.
00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:53.599
And I reassured her that potty training was as absolutely doable, and I told her what I tell every parent in her position.
00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:55.919
Kyle wasn't being stubborn.
00:03:56.159 --> 00:03:59.919
The hourly prompts felt to him like he was being controlled.
00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:05.199
So he took control of the one thing that he had, and that is his body.
00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:06.960
His nature wasn't the problem.
00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:10.240
It wasn't that he was too stubborn or difficult or defiant.
00:04:10.479 --> 00:04:12.240
The prompts were the problem.
00:04:12.400 --> 00:04:18.000
From a developmental perspective, kids this age, they need to feel some sense of control.
00:04:18.319 --> 00:04:20.959
And let's face it, nobody likes to be pushed.
00:04:21.439 --> 00:04:25.120
So we made one little change that had a huge impact.
00:04:25.519 --> 00:04:33.439
Instead of saying, Go sit on the potty, she'd started saying, When you feel like you need to pee, the potty's right over there.
00:04:33.680 --> 00:04:38.480
And she'd say it when he squirmed or wiggled or had that blank stare.
00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:43.600
Or if she didn't notice any of those, she'd give him this little nudge every two hours.
00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:46.720
And she'd only say it once, she wouldn't repeat herself.
00:04:47.040 --> 00:04:52.480
When accidents happened, instead of saying, See, I told you you needed to go, she just played it cool.
00:04:52.720 --> 00:04:54.720
Oops, that must be uncomfortable.
00:04:54.879 --> 00:04:56.720
Let's go get some dry pants.
00:04:57.040 --> 00:05:00.800
No questions, no lectures, or big reactions.
00:05:01.120 --> 00:05:08.000
Now, within two weeks, Kyle started going on his own without any nudges or prompts, and then came the underwear.
00:05:08.160 --> 00:05:10.079
Now notice this is a bit different.
00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:13.920
This mum didn't use underwear until Kyle was already dry.
00:05:14.079 --> 00:05:16.720
She really wanted to keep it low pressure.
00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:20.399
What changed wasn't Kyle, it was the method.
00:05:20.720 --> 00:05:24.720
With less pressure, now Kyle was motivated to try.
00:05:24.959 --> 00:05:27.279
So it felt like his accomplishment.
00:05:27.519 --> 00:05:31.519
So if you're ready to do a restart, here's where I would begin.
00:05:31.759 --> 00:05:34.639
Start with a simple reintroduction of the potty.
00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:38.000
Don't announce it, don't talk about it, don't make a whole thing about it.
00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:40.000
Just let the potty exist again.
00:05:40.240 --> 00:05:44.639
And maybe even ask your child to sit on it fully clothed when you read a book to them.
00:05:44.879 --> 00:05:49.199
You're not really training yet, you're rebuilding safety around the potty first.
00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:56.720
Then, when the potty is no issue, your child will sit on it happily, dressed, then start potty training.
00:05:56.879 --> 00:06:00.560
And start with a little nudge, not that big prompt or pressure.
00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:07.759
So say something like, When you have that need to go feeling, the potty's right over there, and then point to where the potty is.
00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:10.480
And when accidents happen, stay neutral.
00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:14.000
Oops, that happens, and just move on.
00:06:14.240 --> 00:06:18.399
Now I know that's not easy, but I also know it's doable.
00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:28.160
As I say in the program, the goal here isn't just dry underwear, it's to make the process empowering and one that builds body awareness.
00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:33.759
This becomes an experience you don't feel guilty or sad about when you look back on it.
00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:44.720
Now, if you want help restarting without creating the old battles, come join my upcoming free workshop, Potty Without Pushback, and I'll walk you through it step by step.
00:06:44.879 --> 00:06:48.319
It's April 30th, 2026 at 10 a.m.
00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:54.160
Eastern Standard Time, and I'll leave a link in the show notes where you can sign up for it.
00:06:54.399 --> 00:06:57.600
Have a wonderful week and keep up the good work.
00:00:04.639 --> 00:00:06.160
You did everything right.
00:00:06.320 --> 00:00:07.519
You stayed calm.
00:00:07.679 --> 00:00:08.800
You made it fun.
00:00:08.960 --> 00:00:11.119
You turned the potty into a spaceship.
00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:16.480
And your son sat on that cool potty, but then he stood up and peed on the floor.
00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:19.039
And he'd done the same thing an hour earlier.
00:00:19.199 --> 00:00:22.640
And now you're not just frustrated, you're questioning everything.
00:00:22.879 --> 00:00:24.239
Why won't he listen?
00:00:24.320 --> 00:00:25.839
What's wrong with my child?
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:26.960
What's wrong with me?
00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:28.719
Am I doing something wrong?
00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:31.039
You thought, maybe he isn't ready.
00:00:31.199 --> 00:00:35.840
So you just stopped potty training and decided you'd try again in a month or so.
00:00:36.079 --> 00:00:46.479
Now it's a few months later, you know you need to start again, but you really don't want to go through it again, and you're not sure what to do differently to avoid the same problem all over again.
00:00:46.719 --> 00:00:53.520
Now, if that's you, if you're stuck in this stop and start and stop and start loop, this episode is for you.
00:00:53.759 --> 00:00:55.920
Welcome to toddlers made easy.
00:00:56.079 --> 00:00:56.640
I'm Dr.
00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:08.400
Catherine, your host, and today we're talking about what's actually going on in these potty battles and how to get to a place where your child just goes pee on the potty without a fight.
00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:11.599
First, let's reframe what happened.
00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:18.319
Most parents quietly consider a first attempt a failure, but really it's just information.
00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:22.879
You learned that that approach you used, it just wasn't right for your child.
00:01:23.200 --> 00:01:24.719
And that's not a failure.
00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:29.840
That's the most useful thing you could know right now before doing a restart.
00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:34.560
Now the child in this story didn't resist because he couldn't do it.
00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:38.799
He resisted because something about the process just didn't feel okay.
00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:42.400
And when kids feel pressure, they push back.
00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:54.079
Because you see, at this stage of development, they need to feel in control of something, like let's say when your child refuses to eat vegetables, or in this case, refuses to sit and use the potty.
00:01:54.640 --> 00:01:59.359
Another consideration is that your child is still having trouble connecting the dots.
00:01:59.519 --> 00:02:03.439
For instance, let's say your child's playing and he pees in his pants.
00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:09.120
Well, many parents would think, oh, he's just being lazy, or he didn't want to stop playing.
00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:20.000
But another thing to consider is maybe your child hasn't figured out yet how much time he has from when he gets that feeling to when he needs to go sit on the potty.
00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:21.599
That takes some time.
00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:25.039
Those are one of the little nuances that we need to consider.
00:02:25.439 --> 00:02:29.439
So your child waited too long and ended up peeing in his pants.
00:02:29.680 --> 00:02:36.479
So let me show you a simple way to restart where potty battles are less likely to reoccur.
00:02:36.719 --> 00:02:44.159
I'm gonna give you a true story about a little guy named Kyle, who I knew from my office, and he was really stuck in the start-stop loop.
00:02:44.319 --> 00:02:51.280
His parents had started and stopped several times already now, and they really did not want to keep going in this loop.
00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:52.879
They wanted a way out.
00:02:53.360 --> 00:02:55.919
So Kyle was interested in potty training.
00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:58.400
He showed an interest himself at age two.
00:02:58.560 --> 00:02:59.919
So his mum went with it.
00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:04.560
She gave him prompts every hour, potty toys, the cutest potty ever.
00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:06.080
She did the works.
00:03:06.240 --> 00:03:15.039
Well, he peed on the floor five times every day, and he cried each time, and he refused to sit when prompted, and this went on for days on end.
00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:18.639
So his parents finally decided he wasn't ready and they stopped.
00:03:18.879 --> 00:03:26.560
Now months later, they decided to try again, and the problem was the exact same thing happened all over again, and they stopped again.
00:03:26.800 --> 00:03:30.319
And this brings us up to the time now where Kyle is three years old.
00:03:30.560 --> 00:03:35.120
His mum came to me really worried that she'd miss the window of opportunity.
00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:41.360
She put potty training on hold two times already, and she knows she didn't want to go through that again.
00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:45.680
I want to try again, she told me, but I'm scared I've already messed up.
00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:53.599
And I reassured her that potty training was as absolutely doable, and I told her what I tell every parent in her position.
00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:55.919
Kyle wasn't being stubborn.
00:03:56.159 --> 00:03:59.919
The hourly prompts felt to him like he was being controlled.
00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:05.199
So he took control of the one thing that he had, and that is his body.
00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:06.960
His nature wasn't the problem.
00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:10.240
It wasn't that he was too stubborn or difficult or defiant.
00:04:10.479 --> 00:04:12.240
The prompts were the problem.
00:04:12.400 --> 00:04:18.000
From a developmental perspective, kids this age, they need to feel some sense of control.
00:04:18.319 --> 00:04:20.959
And let's face it, nobody likes to be pushed.
00:04:21.439 --> 00:04:25.120
So we made one little change that had a huge impact.
00:04:25.519 --> 00:04:33.439
Instead of saying, Go sit on the potty, she'd started saying, When you feel like you need to pee, the potty's right over there.
00:04:33.680 --> 00:04:38.480
And she'd say it when he squirmed or wiggled or had that blank stare.
00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:43.600
Or if she didn't notice any of those, she'd give him this little nudge every two hours.
00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:46.720
And she'd only say it once, she wouldn't repeat herself.
00:04:47.040 --> 00:04:52.480
When accidents happened, instead of saying, See, I told you you needed to go, she just played it cool.
00:04:52.720 --> 00:04:54.720
Oops, that must be uncomfortable.
00:04:54.879 --> 00:04:56.720
Let's go get some dry pants.
00:04:57.040 --> 00:05:00.800
No questions, no lectures, or big reactions.
00:05:01.120 --> 00:05:08.000
Now, within two weeks, Kyle started going on his own without any nudges or prompts, and then came the underwear.
00:05:08.160 --> 00:05:10.079
Now notice this is a bit different.
00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:13.920
This mum didn't use underwear until Kyle was already dry.
00:05:14.079 --> 00:05:16.720
She really wanted to keep it low pressure.
00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:20.399
What changed wasn't Kyle, it was the method.
00:05:20.720 --> 00:05:24.720
With less pressure, now Kyle was motivated to try.
00:05:24.959 --> 00:05:27.279
So it felt like his accomplishment.
00:05:27.519 --> 00:05:31.519
So if you're ready to do a restart, here's where I would begin.
00:05:31.759 --> 00:05:34.639
Start with a simple reintroduction of the potty.
00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:38.000
Don't announce it, don't talk about it, don't make a whole thing about it.
00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:40.000
Just let the potty exist again.
00:05:40.240 --> 00:05:44.639
And maybe even ask your child to sit on it fully clothed when you read a book to them.
00:05:44.879 --> 00:05:49.199
You're not really training yet, you're rebuilding safety around the potty first.
00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:56.720
Then, when the potty is no issue, your child will sit on it happily, dressed, then start potty training.
00:05:56.879 --> 00:06:00.560
And start with a little nudge, not that big prompt or pressure.
00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:07.759
So say something like, When you have that need to go feeling, the potty's right over there, and then point to where the potty is.
00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:10.480
And when accidents happen, stay neutral.
00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:14.000
Oops, that happens, and just move on.
00:06:14.240 --> 00:06:18.399
Now I know that's not easy, but I also know it's doable.
00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:28.160
As I say in the program, the goal here isn't just dry underwear, it's to make the process empowering and one that builds body awareness.
00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:33.759
This becomes an experience you don't feel guilty or sad about when you look back on it.
00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:44.720
Now, if you want help restarting without creating the old battles, come join my upcoming free workshop, Potty Without Pushback, and I'll walk you through it step by step.
00:06:44.879 --> 00:06:48.319
It's April 30th, 2026 at 10 a.m.
00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:54.160
Eastern Standard Time, and I'll leave a link in the show notes where you can sign up for it.
00:06:54.399 --> 00:06:57.600
Have a wonderful week and keep up the good work.
